Damn it! Non-Alcoholic Beer is Taking Over: Geralt's Guide to the End of Booze

A Witcher's Lament: The World Gone Dry?

Medallion's hummin' Roach is lookin' at me funny and I overhear some tavern patrons talkin' 'bout... non alcoholic beer. Bah! As if the world needed another reason to drive a Witcher to drink. Apparently these teetotaling swigs are projected to overtake ale as the second largest beer category worldwide. Ale! The drink of dwarves and warriors surpassed by... flavored water? The numbers don't lie; beer volume is down but this 'no alcohol' swill is up 9%. I smell a conspiracy perhaps a djinn granted a very specific wish.

Zero Proof Apocalypse: Rise of the Sober Curious

They say 'times are changin'.' I say 'people are gettin' soft.' These young'uns the Gen Z and the Millennials are usin' fancy words like 'sober curious' and 'damp lifestyle.' What's wrong with a good honest hangover? Back in my day we drank till we couldn't tell a ghoul from a noonwraith. Now they're drinking watered down versions of the real thing. The world's gone mad I tell you. Mad!

The Brewers Betrayal: Even Guinness?!

Even the brewers are in on it! Guinness Heineken Budweiser… all sellin' this zero proof nonsense. It's a betrayal of everything we stand for! A Witcher's gotta have his drink and the thought of a world where the only option is glorified juice makes me want to hunt a Leshen barehanded. 'Wind's Howling,' indeed! It's howling with the pain of a world without proper beer!

The Coin's Worth: $17 Billion on... Nothing?

$17 billion in retail sales last year? For non alcoholic beer? I've seen monsters slain for less. Seems some countries are fallin' for it hook line and sinker. Germany Spain Japan they're drinkin' it up like it's the elixir of life. Meanwhile I'm over here questionin' the sanity of the entire world. I need a drink... a real one.

Athletic Brewing: The Dark Horse of Dullness

An upstart called Athletic Brewing is leading the charge in the U.S. They hold 17% of the market! They were founded in 2018 and hold 17% of the category's volume share. Who are these heathens that dare to steal the name of being Athletic selling something that is non alcoholic? I bet they can't even lift a steel sword. Perhaps a contract is in order... just to have a 'conversation'.

Celebrity Endorsements: Because Why Not?

Of course even this absurdity has celebrities throwin' their coin in. Tom Holland Dwyane Wade Dax Shepherd... trying to make watered down beer cool. As if they needed more crowns. At least they aren't making music. It's a dark day when even the rich and famous are pushing this stuff. Where's the Roach? I need to get out of here.