Holy Crap! Starboard Value Buys Up Tripadvisor Like I Buy Pawtucket Patriot Beer!

Aw Crap It's Another Stock Thing...

Alright folks Peter Griffin here your resident expert on… well mostly beer and making questionable decisions. But today we’re talking about stocks! Yeah those things Lois is always nagging me about. Apparently some company called Starboard Value (sounds like a pirate ship run by nerds am I right?) just bought a HUGE chunk of Tripadvisor. Like more than 9%! That’s like me buying all the Pawtucket Patriot beer in Rhode Island… TWICE! And Tripadvisor's stock went up 17% which is more than Meg's ever gotten in anything. Hehehe... Meg.

Tripadvisor? More Like TripadVISORy! (Get It?)

So Tripadvisor is that website where people complain about their hotels being too…hotel y? And the food tasting like… food? Anyway their stock was doing worse than my chances of ever winning a beauty pageant. Down 30% in 2024! That's worse than the time I tried to deep fry my phone. But NOW thanks to Starboard Value swooping in like a bald eagle grabbing a cheeseburger things might be looking up! Kind of like when I found that dollar on the ground after Stewie flushed my lottery ticket down the toilet. (Still not over that Stewie!)

Starboard Value: The Company That's Like Shut Up Meg of Companies!

This Starboard Value see they're known for waltzing in and telling companies what to do. It's like when I give Lois "advice" on how to run the house except these guys actually know what they're doing. They’ve done this before with companies like Tinder (for all you horndogs out there Giggity!) Pfizer (you know for when you need… stuff) and Salesforce (something Lois uses for her job… I think?). They even got two seats on the board of this company called Autodesk. Sounds boring but hey at least they're not Meg.

Potential Changes Incoming! (Cue the Dramatic Music)

So what does this mean for Tripadvisor? Well it could mean a new CEO. Imagine someone even dumber than me running a travel company! It could mean cost cuts. Which probably means they'll start charging extra for… I don't know… clean towels? Or maybe they'll finally get rid of those creepy ads with the owls. Either way things are about to get interesting. Like that time I tried to train a flock of pigeons to deliver pizzas.

The Wall Street Journal Says What Now?

The Wall Street Journal those smarty pants broke the story. CNBC (the Lois Lane of financial news) tried to get a comment from both Starboard Value and Tripadvisor but they were both as silent as Brian when I'm about to do something really really stupid. Which is saying something.

What Does This All Mean? I Haven't the Foggiest Idea!

In conclusion folks a bunch of rich guys bought a bunch of stock and now things might change. I still don't fully understand what's going on but hey at least it's more exciting than watching Meg do… well anything. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go see if I can convince Quagmire to invest in my new business idea: Griffin's Grievances where people pay me to listen to their problems. Giggity!