Waymo and Toyota Team Up: Is This the Robot Apocalypse We've Been Waiting For?

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub It's Happening!

Alright alright settle down you bunch of Jerry's. Rick here your friendly neighborhood scientist/interdimensional traveler/guy who knows way too much about everything. So Waymo—you know Google's attempt to make cars drive themselves so you can all finally achieve peak laziness—is teaming up with Toyota. Apparently they wanna put robotaxi tech into your *burp* regular personally owned vehicles. Because why not? The world wasn't already weird enough.

Toyota? More Like To Yoda… Get It?

Toyota the world's biggest car maker thinks this is a good idea. Probably because they saw my car and were like 'Damn we need to get on that level.' But seriously this is about speeding up the whole self driving shebang. Driver assistance autonomous tech… all that jazz. It's like they're trying to build a real life Mr. Meeseeks to drive you around. But remember existence is pain for a Meeseeks and probably for you too if you let a robot drive your minivan.

Waymo's Playing the Field (Like I Play Dimensions)

Waymo's been around the block you know? They've hooked up with Jaguar Land Rover Fiat Chrysler (RIP) Mercedes Benz… the whole shebang. Usually it ends with them getting cars to test their tech or use in their little ride hailing schemes. But this Toyota thing? This could mean Waymo tech in your *personal* deathtrap. Exciting right? Or terrifying. Depends on how much you trust robots. I for one trust them about as far as I can throw a portal gun after a few shots of Szechuan sauce.

Don't Even Get Me Started on Elon 'I'm Very Smart' Musk

Oh and guess who's throwing a hissy fit? That little twerp Elon Musk. He's whining about Waymo's robotaxis being too expensive. Says Tesla's gonna have 'fully autonomous rides' by June. Yeah right. Last time I checked Tesla's 'Full Self Driving' was about as reliable as Morty in a crisis. But hey maybe he'll actually pull it off. Or maybe he'll just launch another car into space. Who knows with that guy?

Personal Ownership? More Like Personal Doom!

So Alphabet's big cheese Sundar Pichai is talking about 'future optionality around personal ownership.' Translation: they're not sure what the hell they're doing but they wanna keep their options open. Look I've seen enough alternate realities to know where this is going. Next thing you know your car's gonna be demanding to be taken to a rave on Planet Squanch and you'll be powerless to stop it. Remember Morty 'Nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV?' And maybe get a robotaxi. Or don't. I don't care. *burp*

So What Does This All Mean?

Who knows Morty? Who freakin' knows? Maybe this Waymo Toyota thing will lead to a glorious future of autonomous transportation where we can all sit back and get schwifty. Or maybe it'll end with the robot uprising and we'll all be living in a Mad Max style dystopia ruled by sentient Teslas. Either way I'll be here drinking my portal fluid and watching the chaos unfold. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!