Holy Crap Lois, TikTok Wants Us To Meditate?!

TikTok's Got the Meditating Blues!

Alright alright alright! So TikTok that app my daughter Meg is always glued to is apparently in trouble. Seems like everyone's blaming it for making kids loopy in the noggin. Depression anxiety body dysmorphia… jeez sounds like Thanksgiving dinner at my house! So what's their genius plan? Meditation baby! They think if they make kids breathe deeply all the problems will go away. It's like when I tried to fix the car with duct tape. Didn't work but hey I tried!

Bedtime for TikTok? More Like Bed STUY am I Right?

So here's the deal. If you're under 18 and you're on TikTok past 10 p.m. BAM! Meditation time! They're gonna interrupt your precious For You page with some calming voices. It's like when I tried to interrupt Lois's book club with my impromptu opera. She was not impressed. But hey maybe this meditation thing will actually work. Maybe it'll turn Meg into a Nobel Prize winner! Eh probably not.

Trump To The Rescue? More Like Trump et Blare!

Remember when Trump tried to ban TikTok? Ah those were the days. Back then Lois thought it was a good idea but I wanted to keep it since it kept Meg out of my hair. And then he tried to unban it! What a rollercoaster! Like when I tried to build a rollercoaster in the backyard. Turns out zoning laws are a real thing. And so is gravity apparently.

The Land Down Under Bans TikTok Crikey!

Australia's banning TikTok for kids under 16? Crikey! Sounds like they're trying to protect their youth from… well whatever it is TikTok does. Here in the US they have the same rule but Meg makes 5 different accounts every week using different ages. Its like when I try to sneak into the all you can eat buffet by using disguises. Ah the lengths we go to for cheap thrills... and chicken wings!

Lawsuits and Donations: A Real Knee Slapper!

TikTok's getting sued left and right but hey they're donating $2.3 million to mental health organizations! Classic! It's like when I accidentally burned down the Clam and then donated a dollar to the fire department. Doesn't really make up for it but it looks good right? Maybe they should just hire me to do their PR. I'm full of brilliant ideas! Like the time I tried to market invisible ink… that was a real head scratcher.

Giggity TikTok's Future is Uncertain!

So what's the future for TikTok? Who knows! Maybe it'll get banned maybe it'll become the world's biggest meditation app. All I know is I'm gonna keep watching those videos of cats playing the piano. Because let's face it that's what the internet is really for! Giggity giggity goo!