Spotify Apocalypse My Music Was SILENCED!

A Dark Day for Music (and Burns's Sanity)

Bah! As if Smithers doesn't have enough trouble keeping my slippers warm and my prune juice at the optimal temperature now this! Spotify you say? More like Spot iffy! Down it was like a common labourer after a triple shift at my power plant. Fifty thousand reports they say? That's nearly the population of Shelbyville! And those whippersnappers couldn't get their tunes? A tragedy I tell you a tragedy. 'Release the hounds,' I nearly cried had I known who to release them upon.

The All Clear? A Mere Reprieve!

Eleven forty five AM they say it was back up? Hmph. A mere pittance of time compared to my vast lifespan. Did they think to compensate me for the silence? Did they offer me a lifetime supply of plutonium rods to power my gramophone? No! The ingratitude is astounding. And their 'thank you' to listeners? A transparent attempt to garner favour after inconveniencing the masses like handing out free donuts after accidentally nuking Springfield.

No Details? Fishy I Say!

No details about the 'scope of the outage,' they say? Sounds like a cover up! Did some disgruntled employee attempt to sabotage the system? Did a rogue squirrel gnaw through the power lines? Or heavens forbid did those Simpson buffoons have something to do with it?! Smithers investigate. I want answers and I want them yesterday!

Hmph Royalties

They say they paid out ten billion in royalties? Ten billion! To whom? To these so called 'artists' who probably couldn't compose a decent symphony if their lives depended on it. They are nothing but layabouts using MY money! Perhaps if I started my own streaming service Burnsify. I'd pay myself all the royalties and then some. Excellent!

The Sinister Rise of AI!

Generative AI ads! Mark my words this is how the robots will take over. First they infiltrate our music streaming. Then they control our minds with catchy jingles. Next thing you know they're forcing us to wear ridiculous jumpsuits and work in the uranium mines! I must redouble my efforts to thwart these metallic miscreants. Smithers ready the flamethrower!

The Unwashed Masses (and Their Ads)

Six hundred and seventy five million monthly active users? Good heavens! And half of them are freeloaders subjected to advertisements? Perhaps I should invest in this 'Spotify' after all. Imagine the advertising revenue! Smithers calculate how much I could charge to advertise Burns' Discount Funeral Home during funeral dirges. There's money to be made I tell you money to be made! After all money makes the world go round. That's a Simpsons quote I think. Or was it me? Doesn't matter. Excellent!