Excellent! Trade Wars and Tech Woes: Smithers, We're Still Rich, Right?

A Plague Upon These Companies!

Blast this President Trump and his trade tomfoolery! It seems even these modern 'technology' companies aren't immune to the whims of politics. Block that silly little payment contraption is already whimpering about lower profits. And Airbnb? 'Softness' in travel? Bah! Back in my day we traveled by blimp and if there was 'softness,' we simply tightened our corsets and carried on! These youngsters need a good dose of discipline and perhaps a week in the obedience simulator.

Apple of My (Greedy) Eye... And Their Tariff Troubles

Even Apple that shiny bauble of consumerism is feeling the pinch. $900 million in added costs? That's chump change! I spend more than that on radium bath salts in a quarter. Still it's amusing to see Tim Cook squirm. Sourcing products from India and Vietnam is he? Well good for him. Let the foreigners do the dirty work for a pittance. As I always say 'Are we out of touch? No it's the children who are wrong.'

Amazon's E Commerce Empire Crumbles... Slightly

Amazon the behemoth of online shopping is also blubbering about 'tariffs and trade policies.' Apparently their Chinese trinkets are becoming a tad too expensive. And that de minimis loophole? Gone! Ha! Serves them right. Perhaps they should focus less on drones and more on good old fashioned sweatshops. Now that's a business model I can respect. Still their advertising business is doing well which reminds me to remind you that you should buy Burns' products. Excellent!

The Advertising Silver Lining? More Like Fool's Gold

Alphabet and Meta those purveyors of digital drivel are also seeing some 'headwinds' in their advertising revenues. It seems even the most gullible consumers are starting to tighten their purse strings. But fear not! I C. Montgomery Burns shall find a way to profit from this digital decline. Perhaps I'll start my own social media platform 'BurnsBook,' where everyone is forced to like my every post. It'll be the greatest achievement since sliced bread and the electric lightbulb combined!

Consumer Confidence... A Fleeting Fancy!

Delta Airlines cutting growth? Chipotle blaming 'slowdown consumer spending'? It's all downhill from here! The Conference Board's consumer confidence survey is at its lowest since 2011? A recession they say? Excellent! A recession is just another opportunity for a shrewd businessman like myself. While the masses are panicking I'll be buying up their worthless assets for pennies on the dollar. It's the circle of life Smithers the circle of life... for the rich that is.

Smithers To the Acquisition Mobile!

Now Smithers fire up the limo! We've got some distressed assets to acquire. Tell Waylon Jr. to bring the 'ol takeover kit the one with the… you know… 'the usual'. And remind me to order a fresh supply of radium bath salts. A mogul must stay refreshed especially when exploiting economic downturns. Remember Smithers 'a foolish man divorces his money,' and I intend to marry it! Excellent!