Elon Musk DITCHES Trump! Is Tesla Stock FINALLY Safe?!

Release the Hounds! (From Government Work)

Bah! As if I C. Montgomery Burns have any interest in these so called 'electric vehicles.' However my financial advisors inform me that Tesla that infernal contraption company run by the eccentric Mr. Musk is making waves again. Apparently there's gossip swirling around that Musk might be abandoning his... *shudders*... 'government efficiency' post. As if government can be efficient! It's like expecting Smithers to win a bodybuilding competition! Preposterous!

A Tweet Heard 'Round the World (or Just on X)

Now my sources (a gaggle of interns I pay in exposure and stale donuts) tell me that the 'news' originated from a Politico report. Naturally the White House has labeled it 'garbage.' And Musk himself bless his attention seeking heart has cried 'fake news' on that infernal Twitter machine he owns. Honestly the man has more platforms than I have nuclear reactors. And that’s saying something!

Stock Jumps – Is This Excellent or Just a Mirage?

But here's the kicker see? The mere *suggestion* of Musk focusing on his little car company sent Tesla's stock price up like a rocket! Or a malfunctioning escalator at the power plant whichever analogy paints a more chaotic picture. The stock closed up more than 5%! Of course before the rumors it had plummeted like Homer Simpson down a Springfield Gorge. Up down up down... it's enough to give a man the vapors!

Trump's Tariff Troubles – Are They Hurting Tesla?

And let's not forget those pesky tariffs that blithering buffoon Trump has enacted. It's affecting Tesla's supply chains especially those centered in Mexico and... *gag*... China. As if I don't have enough headaches dealing with unions and safety inspectors! This Musk fellow with his government meddling and expensive rallies is causing quite a stir. He really is a naughty naughty man.

New York City – Suing Tesla?!

To add insult to injury some blithering idiot in New York City – a 'Comptroller,' whatever that is – is threatening to sue Tesla on behalf of the city's pension funds! Apparently they believe Musk is spreading himself too thin. Imagine! A man with that kind of wealth and influence spreading himself thin. It's like saying I'm starting to feel charitable! Utter poppycock!

Smithers More Lemonade! (And Sell Those Tesla Shares?)

So what does all this mean? Well frankly I haven't the foggiest. The stock market is a fickle beast prone to mood swings wilder than my attempts to remember my employees' names. One thing's for sure: this Musk fellow is a busy beaver. Or perhaps a hamster on a wheel frantically trying to keep his little car company from going bankrupt. Smithers remind me to look into shorting Tesla. And bring me more lemonade! It is good!