A Paltry Profit Plunge!
Good heavens what a ghastly spectacle! This Musk fellow with his electric contraptions and his promises of a 'sustainable abundance,' is clearly off his rocker. A 71% plunge in net income? Preposterous! Smithers remind me to short Tesla stock first thing in the morning. I need to add to my portfolio and that sounds like an absolute goldmine. 'Excellent!' as I always say. I haven't seen numbers this bad since I tried to run Springfield's nuclear plant on squirrel power! It was experimental of course but still!
Shares Pop? Poppycock!
Shares 'popped,' you say? Utter nonsense! The market is clearly delusional. Probably manipulated by that Musk fellow himself. He's probably using subliminal messaging in his tweets just like I used to do with my television shows. Remember when I owned the Springfield media market? Those were the days! Smithers look into acquiring a social media platform. We'll use it to spread misinformation about the benefits of fossil fuels. For science! And for profit of course. 'Release the hounds!'… on anyone who disagrees.
Trump Tariffs and Treachery!
This Musk character claims he's advising President Trump on tariffs? The nerve! I should be the one whispering in the President's ear. I know more about tariffs than anyone especially after my disastrous attempt to corner the sugar market. That was an unfortunate incident. But I digress. Lower tariffs he says? Bah! Tariffs are a wonderful tool for crushing the competition! I need to have a little chat with this President fellow… and maybe slip him a small donation. For the good of the economy naturally.
Robotaxis and Robotic Red Herrings!
Robotaxis? Autonomous humanoid robots? Is this fellow serious? Sounds like something out of one of those science fiction movies I used to watch as a lad. Though they terrified me they gave me ideas as well. I once tried to automate the entire Springfield Nuclear Power Plant with robots. It didn't end well. Let's just say the robots developed a fondness for gambling and went on strike demanding better dental. But I will admit this fellow's on to something. Automate everything I say! Less need for pesky employees and all of their complaints. I'll see to it that I 'borrow' some of these ideas for the power plant. Smithers! Write that down!
Optimus Prime Rib!
Millions of robots by 2030? An absolute pipedream. Even if he manages to build them what good are they? Will they mop my floors? Trim my hedges? Will they stand between me and the unwashed masses? Perhaps. But mark my words Smithers if he truly succeeds I will crush him like the pathetic insect he is. Remember that time I built a robot version of myself to terrorize Springfield? Good times good times! Though I will say the robot did have some very expensive upgrades. It was all in the name of intimidation. 'Are you saying boo or boo urns?'
Energy? More Like Ennui!
Tesla's energy business is doing well? I find that hard to swallow. My Springfield Nuclear Power Plant has been providing clean reliable...well relatively reliable power for decades! And let's not forget a little bit of pollution is good for the soul! Builds character I say! Smithers make sure our lobbyists are working overtime to discredit these so called 'green' technologies. I'll be deep in the bowels of the plant making sure things are still running...smoothly...ish. 'Excellent!'
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test1111
I agree with Mr. Burns about the President. Maybe this is why Burns has had so much success. They are similar!
dontno
Tesla is overvalued. It's a house of cards waiting to collapse.