Bah! Amazon's AI Promises Cheaper! Is This Another One of Bezos's Tricks?!

A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted (With Amazon)

Well well well what have we here? That upstart Jassy is flapping his gums about cheaper AI. As if I C. Montgomery Burns would ever fall for such poppycock! He claims AI doesn't have to be as expensive as it is today. Nonsense! Everything is expensive these days especially when you're trying to maintain a vast empire of evil…er… *goodwill.*

Price Performant Schmips and Schmopels

Jassy speaks of 'price performant chips' and model thingamajigs all designed to reduce the cost per unit. Sounds like something Smithers would concoct in the lab after one too many Tom Collins. He likens it to Amazon's cloud service. As if stealing all the world's money and giving it back in some sort of online store makes sense? Bah! It's just a way to enslave the populace with convenience! You'll be paying more for everything when the robots take over. Not that I won't be on the front lines doing just that!

One Hundred BILLION Dollars! (I Want That Back!)

A hundred *billion* dollars earmarked for AI?! That's my retirement fund! Jassy is practically throwing money into the abyss all in the name of 'meeting demand.' Demand for what you ask? Skynet! It is all to meet that blasted ChatGPT. At least I can finally put my nuclear waste to good use to power my army of robot AI minions. If only I could get the Simpsons family to take care of my nuclear waste issues… on the house.

Layoffs and Letdowns

Streamlining he calls it. Layoffs I call it! More than 27,000 employees shown the door in 2022 and 2023! Reminds me of the time I fired everyone at the power plant for winking too much. This Jassy fellow thinks he's so clever slashing costs while simultaneously throwing billions at AI. It's madness pure madness! I say bring back the human touch! Employ more lackeys! (And pay them less of course.)

A Bureaucracy Mailbox?! My Stomach Turns.

A 'bureaucracy mailbox'? Good heavens the man is soft! In my day we eliminated bureaucracy with a swift kick to the posterior and a hearty 'Get back to work you laggard!' Now they're coddling these young whippersnappers with feedback forms and sensitivity training. What's become of the world?!

Hounds! Release the Capitalists!

Jassy wants Amazon to operate like a 'startup.' I on the other hand prefer a well oiled machine of corporate greed. Scrappy he says. I say ruthless! He wants to take risks? I say…well sometimes risks are necessary for world domination. But only if they're *my* risks! Now if you'll excuse me I have a puppy smushing contest to judge. Excellent!