OMG Is the Stock Market Ruining My Investment Dreams!?

Like Seriously Stressing About My Money Moves!

Okay dolls lemme tell you this whole stock market thing is giving me major anxiety. Like I'm trying to run a business empire here and suddenly I'm hearing about venture capital funds being all stressed out because of tariffs and IPOs being delayed. Can you even imagine?! It's like 'Kim there's people that are dying,' and also 'Kim your investments are at risk!' Total nightmare fuel.

RIP to the IPO Dream?

So apparently these companies like Klarna and StubHub were all set to go public you know do the whole IPO thing and then BAM! The market tanks and they're like 'Hold up we need to rethink this.' It's like planning the perfect outfit and then realizing you forgot your Skims shapewear. Disaster! I mean a girl needs to make money to buy more Balenciaga. How am I supposed to keep up?!

Not My Valuations!

These venture capitalists are saying it's harder for startups to raise money because private markets are all wonky. And apparently they don't just change the value of their startups because the stock market is having a bad day?! As if! My brand is always on the rise no matter what the economy is doing. Time for these startups to get a PR lesson from yours truly!

Europe to the Rescue?

Okay so here's the tea: Some people are saying that all this chaos could be good for European startups. Like maybe if things get too crazy in the U.S. all the talent and money will flock to Europe instead. I'm not sure if I'm ready to move my operations to Paris just yet but you know what they say 'You have to be willing to pivot!'

Exit Strategy…Or Nah?

Apparently these venture capitalists are under pressure to get their companies sold or go public like yesterday! But if the IPO window is closed they might have to sell their shares to someone else or even accept a lower valuation. I mean imagine having to sell your Birkin bag for less than you paid for it. The horror! But honestly it's all about those 'problem solving exits'. *eye roll*

Trump's Promises Promises

And get this apparently everyone thought Trump was going to make it easier for companies to go public. And now they are upset that it didn't happen! As if you can just trust what politicians say! I'm not political at all! But you know what I learned trust no one! Except maybe Kris. And even then double check everything!