Tesla's Robotaxis: More Like Roach on the Pontar Than a Proper Ride

A Witcher's Work is Never Done (Especially When Robots are Involved)

Right so I'm hearing about these metal contraptions called "robotaxis" causing a right ruckus in some place called Austin. Seems this Musk fellow – sounds like a right royal tosser – has unleashed his automatons onto the roads and the results well they're about as graceful as a griffin on a greased pig. Word is these things are driving the wrong way slamming on the brakes for no good reason and generally behaving like they've had one too many pints of dandelion wine. *Hmph... Medallion's humming. Something's not right.*

NHTSA Knocks on Tesla's Door: A Silver Sword or a Slap on the Wrist?

Now some bureaucratic entity called the NHTSA – gods these acronyms – is poking around asking questions. Apparently they weren't too keen on pre approving these tin cans and now they're sniffing around like a bloodhound on a fresh corpse. Good. Maybe someone will finally hold this Musk fella accountable for his hubris. It's all about "potential safety defects" they say. Well I'd say a robotaxi driving like a drowners with a death wish is a defect indeed. *Wind's howling. Something's about to go wrong.*

Promises Promises: Musk's Empty Boasts and the Lure of Fool's Gold

Ah promises... Remember that time I was promised a mountain of gold for slaying a golden dragon only to find out it was a painted wyvern? This Musk character seems to be cut from the same cloth. He’s been yammering about "full autonomy" for years claiming these metal monsters would be driving themselves across continents by now. Bah! More like driving themselves into ditches if these reports are anything to go by. *Damn I hate portals.*

Other Contenders: The Competition Heats Up

Seems like this Musk isn't the only one trying to get these infernal devices on the road. Some outfit called Waymo claims they've given over 10 million rides. I wonder if they needed a Witcher to protect their passengers when the machine malfunctioned. In China there are Baidu WeRide and Pony.ai. *Hmm. Perhaps I should head to China. New monsters new contracts*.

Pilot Program: A Select Few Get to Test Drive Doom

Apparently these "robotaxis" are currently being tested by a select few mostly sycophants who sing praises about Tesla and Musk. I wager they won't complain even if the thing takes them for a spin into the nearest lake. Good luck to them. *People like to invent monsters and monstrosities. Then they seem less monstrous themselves.*

The Verdict: Toss a Coin to Your Witcher and Maybe Avoid Robotaxis for Now

So what's the takeaway here? Well these Tesla robotaxis seem about as reliable as a Dopplerganger at a poker game. Until they sort themselves out I'd recommend sticking to a good old fashioned horse or perhaps a sturdy boat. And if you absolutely must ride in one of these things well... *Toss a coin to your Witcher oh valley of plenty! And maybe pray to Melitele just in case.*