Excellent...NOT! Small Businesses Suffer Under Trump Tariffs, A Recession Looms!

Release the Hounds...of Economic Despair!

Bah! This so called economic optimism everyone was blathering about at the start of Trump's *ugh* second go around? Utter poppycock! It's gone belly up faster than Smithers trying to lift a crate of Folgers Crystals. I mean honestly a recession? At this stage in the game? I should be swimming in profits not dodging economic icebergs like some common deckhand.

Excellent? More Like Excrement!

According to this CNBC and SurveyMonkey contraption a measly 30% of these so called small business owners think the economy is doing swimmingly. A pathetic showing! The rest? Whining about 'fair' or 'poor' conditions. Honestly do they not understand that complaining is for *me*? Burns is the name. Misery is the game.

Trump's Troubles: A Political Inferno

And get this a whopping 70% of these simpletons actually think we're hurtling towards a recession. That's almost as many people who disapprove of Trump's... *gestures vaguely*... 'job performance'. 51% of the business owners don't approve of Trump. Back in 2020 it was 39%. What will it be next quarter? 60%? The horror! The horror!

Tariffs: A Plague Upon Their Houses!

These tariffs these infernal tariffs! They are wreaking havoc. Pandora Mattel and even Microsoft are crying like Milhouse about price increases. My stock portfolio feels as brittle as my bones. Fifty one percent of these business owners the ungrateful wretches think trade policies will negatively impact them. Clearly they haven't learned the art of exploitation like yours truly.

The Chamber Screams! (But I Still Don't Care)

Even that busybody from the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Suzanne Clark is blathering about 'irreparable harm'. As if I care about the bleating of small businesses. They should be grateful for whatever scraps I deign to leave them! I am their sun. I am the reason they exist! Smithers remind me to send her a box of slightly used donuts.

Powell's Predictions: Doom and Gloom!

And that nincompoop Powell from the Federal Reserve is warning about inflation and slowed growth! As if I need another reason to crank up the price of electricity in Springfield. Perhaps I should release the hounds on him. Yes that’s what I’ll do!