Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Costco's Earning's Are Schwifty!

Numbers That Would Make Even Jerry Proud

Alright alright settle down Mortys. Your grandpa Rick is here to break down the boring stuff. So Costco that place where you buy a year's supply of toilet paper and question your life choices? Yeah they did good. Real good. Earnings per share? $4.28 beating the so called 'experts' who predicted $4.24. Revenue? A whopping $63.21 billion slightly above the expected $63.19 billion. Meaning the universe still loves a good bulk bargain even if it's filled with stuff you don't need but hey who needs needs when you got options huh?

8% More Sales? That's the Kind of Math I Like!

Comparable sales the stuff that really matters jumped 8%. And get this e commerce? Up nearly 16%! That's right even you couch potatoes are contributing to the Costco empire. Looks like someone's been buying their apocalypse supplies online. Just remember to stock up on Szechuan sauce because you never know when they are gonna cut it off. Remember if you don't like what you are seeing just change the channel.

Tariffs? More Like 'Terrifying' for Everyone Else!

Oh and those pesky tariffs everyone's whining about? Turns out they might actually help Costco. Who knew screwing up the economy could be profitable? People are panicking looking for deals and where do they go? That's right to buy enough mayonnaise to survive a nuclear winter. Classic Costco move. This is what I call a win win situation tariffs bad but Costco good.

Vachris Knows What's Up Morty

Costco's CEO Ron Vachris (a name I'll probably forget in five minutes) said people rely on Costco in tough times. No duh Ron! When the world's going to hell in a handbasket you need a giant tub of peanut butter and a lifetime supply of paper towels. It's survival 101 Morty. Do you see? Vachris seems to get it. Hopefully he's not a Cromulon.

Imports Exports and Existential Dread

About a third of Costco's U.S. sales are imports and Vachris mentioned China Mexico and Canada. Tariffs could still sting meaning higher prices. But hey at least you'll be buying your overpriced stuff in bulk! Just remember Morty sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Is that 72 pack of ramen really worth the inevitable sodium induced existential crisis?

Costco Stock: To the Moon!

Costco's stock is up about 10% this year beating the S&P 500. So should you invest Morty? Eh who knows? The stock market is as predictable as your mother's dating life. But hey if you wanna throw some cash at it go wild. Just don't come crying to me when it all goes south. I don't do bailouts.