Holy Crap Lois, Nike's Gettin' Pricey! Time to Raid the Piggy Bank!

Giggity Giggity More Money?

Alright alright alright! So I heard from this uh *reliable source* (probably Quagmire the perv) that Nike's gonna start charging us more for their fancy sneakers and clothes. Yeah that's right more money! Like I don't have enough problems trying to explain to Chris where babies come from. Between two and ten extra clams for clothes. Five more dollars for anything over 100. And 10 more for anything over 150. Oh boy! I better start saving those beer money again! Unless you wear kids size you lucky people.

Darn Tariffs Ruining Everything!

Apparently these price hikes are all thanks to those darn tariffs! You know those things Trump slapped on stuff coming from China and Vietnam. Now Nike makes a lot of their stuff in those places so they're trying to pass the cost onto us the loyal customers. It's like that time I tried to start my own airline 'Petercopter'. I figured hey free beer for everyone! But then the FAA got involved and suddenly it was all paperwork and regulations. Same principle here just more shoes and less free beer.

Good News! Sort Of...

But hold your horses folks! It's not all bad news. The prices of children's products will not increase nor will items priced under $100. I guess even Nike has a heart...or maybe they just realized they'd have a riot on their hands if they messed with our little tykes' gear. Also the Air Force 1 will still be at 115 dollars. Thank God! "It's a shoe that people in the workplace wear," the person said. "It's comfortable accessible." You know for those of us who need something comfy to wear while we're... uh...'working'.

Jordan's Sneaker Exception

Jordan brand apparel and accessories also won't see increases but Jordan sneakers will. So if you were planning on rocking that sweet Jordan jersey you're in the clear. But if you wanted to fly like Mike (without actually jumping off a building which I may or may not have tried) you'll have to pay a bit more. It's like that time I thought I could be a race car driver. Turns out driving and drinking don't mix... well not for *me* anyway!

Wholesale? More Like Hole Sale in My Wallet!

So Nike's telling all their partners about these price increases but it's not clear how it'll affect places like Dick's Sporting Goods or Foot Locker. It's like when I tried to sell my own brand of cologne 'Smell Good Be Good'. I told Mort Goldman he could sell it in his pharmacy but he just looked at me with that sad puppy dog face and said 'Peter it smells like a dumpster fire.' I swear some people just don't appreciate entrepreneurial genius.

Time to Raid the Piggy Bank!

Alright folks looks like it's time to start saving those pennies. I might have to cut back on my Pawtucket Patriot Ale budget...nah who am I kidding? I'll just sell some of Meg's stuff on eBay. She won't notice... right? Anyway keep an eye out for those price hikes and remember 'Everything's better with a little bit of butter!'... and maybe a good sale.