Trump Slams Apple, Nvidia Gears Up: Duke Nukem's Take on This Week's Market Mayhem

Hail to the Chief... and the Tariff Man!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! The name's Nukem Duke Nukem and I'm here to kick ass and analyze stocks... and I'm all outta ass! Last week we saw President Trump turning up the heat on Apple faster than a stripper on payday. The big guy's tweeting up a storm about those foreign made iPhones shaking up the market like a blonde bombshell shaking her... well you get the picture. 'Groovy,' right? But this ain't just about one company; it's a full blown economic rumble!

S&P in the Soup? More Like S&P in the Septic Tank!

The S&P 500 took a nosedive faster than I can shotgun a beer dropping 2.6%. The Nasdaq got its ass kicked too falling nearly 2.5%. Even Apple the fruit of Wall Street's eye got bruised dropping almost 7.6% and getting kicked out of the $3 trillion club. Only Microsoft and Nvidia are left standing like the last two babes at a party. Looks like someone needs to reload. Time to assess the damage.

Cramer's Concerns: More Like Cramer's Chaos!

Jim Cramer's got his panties in a twist about Apple listing a whole bunch of other stocks he's sweating bullets over. Meanwhile Trump's out there threatening tariffs on everyone reminding Wall Street that he's the 'administrator of pain.' Sounds like my kind of party! He's talking 25% tariffs on iPhones not made in the US and hitting Samsung and other smartphone makers too. Guess he wants to make America great again one tariff at a time. 'Damn I'm good!' At causing headaches apparently.

Nvidia's Nerve Wracking Night: Show Time Baby!

But the real showstopper this week is Nvidia. Everyone's waiting to see if they can keep the party going. All eyes are on their earnings report on Wednesday night and their guidance could send the stock soaring or crashing faster than a stripper after her rent is due. Trump's China AI chip ban is throwing a wrench in the works but Nvidia's got some sweet deals cooking in the Middle East. Sounds like they're playing both sides just like yours truly. Let's hope they don't choke under pressure. 'Come get some!'... profits that is.

Inflation Insights and Retail Revelations

Inflation data is dropping Friday and everyone's hoping it trends downward so the Fed can finally cut those interest rates. Meanwhile we got earnings reports from Salesforce and Costco coming up. Salesforce needs to show some love for their AI products and Costco's gotta deal with those pesky tariffs. It's a wild ride folks but don't worry Duke's here to keep you entertained while the world goes to hell in a handbasket. 'What are you waiting for? Christmas?'

Duke's Final Verdict: Stay Frosty!

So what's the bottom line? The market's a rollercoaster Trump's throwing bombs and Nvidia's gotta prove they're still the king of the hill. Stay tuned keep your eyes peeled and remember when the going gets tough the tough get going! 'I'm gonna tear you a new one!' ... if you don't pay attention to your investments. Duke out!