Walmart Drones Incoming! Delivering Your Tendies Faster Than You Can Say 'Bald'

They're Taking to the Skies!

Alright chat listen up! Walmart's going full on Skynet with drone deliveries expanding to Atlanta Charlotte Houston Orlando and Tampa! That's right folks your tendies are about to arrive faster than you can say 'WHAT?!' They're basically turning into Amazon but you know with more 'People of Walmart' sightings. This is happening with Wing who will operate the drones. I guess this will reduce traffic since they are planning to fly over it!

Six Miles? That's Baby Numbers!

Six miles huh? That's all these drones can handle? I walk further than that to get to the fridge when I'm in the middle of a raid! Jokes aside they have a 6 mile range from the stores. Greg Cathey from Walmart says customers usually order 'urgent items' like hamburger buns eggs or Tylenol. So basically the essentials for surviving another day in this clown world.

Eggs Ice Cream and… Bananas?

The most frequently delivered items? Eggs ice cream pet food and FRUIT?! Who the hell is ordering bananas via drone? Are you too lazy to walk to the damn store? I bet it's those damn elden ring players I tell you what. I'm just saying... I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die.

Walmart's Gonna Walmart!

Walmart's got over 4,600 stores they say. So why are they struggling to get these drones off the ground? Three years ago they promised millions of packages by drone. Where are those millions Walmart? Show me the numbers! It's like Blizzard promising Diablo 4 would be good... oh wait. Nevermind.

Amazon's Drone Dreams are... Lagging?

Speaking of failing to deliver (pun intended) Amazon wanted 500 million drone deliveries by the end of the decade. Meanwhile they had to pause the service because their drone was bugging out. It's like watching two bald guys fight over a comb. Pointless and hilarious. I wonder what will happen first: Asmongold losing his hair or Amazon becoming a successful drone deliverer?

The Future is... in the Air?

Walmart's COO is talking about 'flexibility and convenience'. Sounds like corporate buzzword bingo to me! They're even testing drone delivery options in the Walmart app charging $19.99 or offering it free for Walmart+ members. So basically you gotta pay to be lazy. The future is now folks and it's being delivered by a drone... probably piloted by someone who also works in the deli section. But hey at least you don't have to leave the house to get your Mountain Dew. Now that's what I call progress!