Robinhood CEO Says 'It's Not Entirely Relevant' That Their Fake Stock Ain't Real Stock - Are You Kidding Me?

What in the Actual Forsen is Going On?

Alright alright alright… settle down chat. Let's talk about this Robinhood thing because man this is some Grade A certified USDA approved B.S. Vlad Tenev the CEO of Robinhood is out here saying it's 'not entirely relevant' that their tokenized shares of OpenAI and SpaceX aren't actual equity. Are you KIDDING ME? This is like saying that bald spot on my head isn't 'entirely relevant' to my overall attractiveness. It's a LIE!

OpenAI is NOT Happy

So here's the deal. Robinhood is trying to sell these things in the EU giving people exposure to U.S. stocks including private companies. Sounds kinda sus right? Well OpenAI is not happy folks. They straight up said that these tokens don't represent equity and that any transfer of OpenAI equity requires their approval which they DIDN'T GIVE! It's like someone trying to sell you a fake WoW mount and claiming it's the real deal. Ain't gonna fly buddy.

Special Purpose Vehicle? More Like Special Purpose Scam!

Robinhood claims these tokens are 'enabled by Robinhood's ownership stake in a special purpose vehicle.' A special purpose vehicle? What is this a Batman movie? It sounds like a convenient way to dodge regulations and sell something that's about as real as my chances of getting a girlfriend. Listen I'm all for innovation but this feels like they're trying to pull a fast one on people who don't know better. It's like trying to sell someone a loot box with a 0.0001% chance of getting something good!

Vlad's Trying to Gaslight Us!

Tenev is out here trying to gaslight us saying that it's not 'entirely relevant' that it's not technically an equity instrument. He says 'What's important is that retail customers have an opportunity to get exposure to this asset.' Bro it's not an asset if it's not backed by anything! It's like saying you own a piece of the moon because you bought a picture of it. Come on man! Don't insult our intelligence!

Regulators are Watching (For Once)

Even the Bank of Lithuania is raising eyebrows. They're 'awaiting clarifications' about the structure of these tokens. Translation: they're trying to figure out if Robinhood is breaking the law. Good! Someone needs to keep these guys in check. They're saying the information for investors must be clear fair and non misleading. Well DUH! That should be the bare minimum shouldn't it?

We Expect to be Scrutinized Because We're INNOVATIVE!

Tenev says they're 'happy to continue to answer questions from our regulators' and that they 'expect to be scrutinized as a large innovative player in this space.' Oh please. You expect to be scrutinized because you're doing shady stuff! It's like a level 60 mage expecting to be ganked in Stranglethorn Vale. It's part of the game! But seriously this whole thing stinks. Be careful out there folks. Don't let Robinhood scam you with their fake stock.