OpenAI DISSES Robinhood's Crypto Shenanigans: 'We Didn't Ask For This!'

No Partnership No Problem? OpenAI Says 'Nah'

Alright alright alright let's get one thing straight. OpenAI just dropped a nuke on Robinhood's little crypto party. Apparently Robinhood thought it was a good idea to start offering tokenized shares of OpenAI and SpaceX in Europe and OpenAI is NOT happy. They hopped on Twitter or X or whatever the hell it's called now and said 'These 'OpenAI tokens' are NOT OpenAI equity.' In other words don't be a dumbass and think you're buying a piece of the pie. You're not. It's like thinking you're getting Exodia when really you just have Left Arm.

Permission? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Permission!

The real kicker is that OpenAI claims they didn't approve ANY transfer of equity. Zero. Zilch. Nada. 'Any transfer of OpenAI equity requires our approval — we did not approve any transfer,' they tweeted. They're basically telling everyone to 'be careful.' Translation? 'You're about to get scammed bro.' Meanwhile Robinhood is over there in Cannes France living it up and talking about 'democratizing access' to markets. Classic Robinhood am I right? Always gotta be the 'hero' of the little guy while probably screwing them over somehow. It's giving me major 'Diablo Immortal' vibes.

Robinhood's Stock Goes Brrrrr

Of course the news sent Robinhood's stock soaring. Because that's how the world works right? You do something shady and your stock goes up. It's like the Bobby Kotick special. Robinhood's spokesperson even had the audacity to say these tokens give retail investors 'indirect exposure to private markets.' Indirect exposure? That's like saying drinking dirty water gives you indirect access to hydration. Sure technically true but you're probably gonna get dysentery. And get banned from Twitch for being a degenerate. I'd rather just eat a burger.

Free Tokens? Don't Fall For It!

And get this: Robinhood is offering 5 euros worth of OpenAI and SpaceX tokens to users in Europe. Five euros! That's like what a candy bar and a bottle of water? They're dangling a carrot in front of you and you're gonna chase it right off a cliff. Wake up sheeple! This is about Robinhood trying to boost their numbers and make themselves look good. It's the definition of 'bait and switch'. You can get more value from the WoW token in game these days even though WoW is dying.

Regulatory Walls Keep US Safe (For Now)

The good news? Us Americans can't even touch this garbage. Thanks to 'regulatory restrictions,' we're safe from Robinhood's European shenanigans. For once I'm thankful for government red tape. Usually it's just slowing down my attempt to get a new gaming PC. This whole thing is a reminder that crypto platforms will do anything to get you to gamble your money away. So remember my friends: 'Don't be a dumbass!'

The Moral of the Story?

The moral of the story is simple: if something sounds too good to be true it probably is. Do your research don't trust everything you see on the internet and for the love of God don't let Robinhood anywhere near your money. Go buy a Big Mac instead. At least you know what you're getting. And if you disagree with me... well you're wrong. End of discussion.