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Showing 71 to 80 of 137 news articles

Apple's payment systems experienced widespread outages, causing frustration among users. I warned you about the dangers of future tech! image

Good News Everyone! Apple Pay Goes Kaput, Leaving Users in the Lurch!

Fri 16 May, 2025 18:20
2 minutes to read

Cartier's parent company, Richemont, sees sales surge as the wealthy continue to spend, proving that even in uncertain times, a diamond is forever (and apparently recession-proof). image

Good News Everyone! Richemont Defies Gravity (and Economic Doom!) With Sparkling Sales

Fri 16 May, 2025 08:24
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth dissects HCA Healthcare's recent stock surge amidst a struggling healthcare sector, finding potential for gains despite regulatory doom and gloom. To shreds, you say? image

Good News Everyone! Healthcare Stock HCA Defies Gravity (and Common Sense!)

Thu 15 May, 2025 18:01
3 minutes to read

Alibaba's recent earnings report reveals a mixed bag: revenue up, profits down, and AI ambitions soaring amidst a Chinese tech showdown. Prepare for unpredictable stock prices! image

Good News Everyone! Alibaba's Stock Takes a Tumble, But Cloud Computing Rises Like a Phoenix (Sort Of)

Thu 15 May, 2025 10:14
3 minutes to read

The online brokerage platform eToro makes a splash in its Nasdaq debut, defying market doomsayers and giving us hope for the future of finance (and maybe even Planet Express's stock portfolio). image

Good News Everyone! eToro Stock Soars Higher Than a Hypnotoad's Eyebrows!

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:12
4 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth reports on the EU's latest plans for sanctions against Russia, potential peace talks, and the ever-present threat of Hungarian vetoes. Wernstrom! image

Good News Everyone! EU Mulls More Sanctions on Russia, Considers Outsmarting Hungary!

Tue 13 May, 2025 12:09
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth reports on the temporary U.S.-China tariff cuts, their impact on Christmas presents, and the ever-present threat of economic doom. Wernstrom! image

Good News Everyone! Christmas Saved (Maybe) Thanks to Temporary Tariff Cuts!

Tue 13 May, 2025 04:51
3 minutes to read

President Trump's potential acceptance of a luxury jet from Qatar raises eyebrows and legal questions, sparking debate about foreign influence and ethical boundaries. To shreds you say? image

Good News Everyone! Trump Eyes Qatari Jumbo Jet: A Gift or a Gimmick?

Mon 12 May, 2025 15:45
3 minutes to read

Walgreens deploys micro-fulfillment centers with robots to streamline prescription filling, aiming to boost efficiency and free up pharmacists for patient care. A bold move towards the future, or just another doomsday device? image

Good News Everyone! Walgreens Unleashes Robot Army to Fill Your Pills!

Sun 11 May, 2025 12:00
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth reports on ESPN's shocking decision to name their new all-access streaming service 'ESPN,' a move so bold it's almost…stupid? image

Good News Everyone! ESPN Rebrands Streaming Service as... ESPN!

Fri 09 May, 2025 17:10
2 minutes to read