Good News Everyone! Richemont Defies Gravity (and Economic Doom!) With Sparkling Sales

Wernstrom! A Sales Surge?

Good news everyone! It seems the ol' doomsday clock can be pushed back a few minutes at least in the world of luxury goods. Richemont the company that owns Cartier and other shiny trinkets has reported better than expected sales. Apparently while the rest of us are worried about the rising cost of Slurm the one percent are still happily snapping up diamond encrusted whatchamacallits.

Shiny! Double Digit Delights!

The real kicker? The Jewellery Maisons division which includes Cartier and Van Cleef & Arpels saw double digit growth. Double digit! That's almost as impressive as the number of interns I've accidentally launched into the sun over the years. Clearly the rich are getting richer and they're spending their money on things that sparkle brighter than my inventions... mostly because my inventions tend to explode.

The Temporal Paradox of Timepieces

However it's not all sunshine and lollipops – or in this case diamonds and platinum. The specialist watchmakers segment including Piaget and Roger Dubuis saw a decline in sales particularly in Asia. It seems even the wealthiest time lords are having second thoughts about buying another watch. Perhaps they've finally invented a way to stop time altogether. If so I want in on that action. Think of the possibilities!

Japan Leaps Ahead!

Japan is doing unexpectedly well! Tourist spend and a weak Yen means more money for Richemont. That means more Yen to go around! This is similar to that time I used dark matter to change the composition of money in the universe!

Global Headwinds? Bah Humbug!

Now some pointy headed analysts at BofA are yammering about headwinds like gold prices and tariffs. But Richemont Chairman Johann Rupert seems unfazed mentioning the need for "strong agility and discipline." Translation: even if the economy goes to pot they'll find a way to sell expensive baubles. They always do. After all as I always say 'When will they ever learn?'. Although in this case I'm not sure who "they" are. Probably Zoidberg.

A Developing Story (Much Like My Sanity)

So there you have it. The luxury market continues to defy logic and gravity. Who knows what the future holds? Maybe we'll all be living in a utopia where everyone can afford a solid gold toilet. Or more likely the robots will rise and the only things of value will be spare parts. Either way I'll be here tinkering away in my lab probably inventing something that will destroy us all. Wubba lubba dub dub!