Good News Everyone! ESPN Rebrands Streaming Service as... ESPN!

A Name So Obvious It's Brilliant! Or Is It?

Good news everyone! Your dear old Professor Farnsworth here with a groundbreaking announcement from the world of sports entertainment! ESPN in a move so predictable it's practically science has decided to name their new all access streaming service…wait for it…ESPN! Yes you heard that right. It's like naming your dog 'Dog.' Or your planet 'Planet Express.' Oh the irony! Apparently some high muckity mucks at Disney like that Iger fella have been calling this thing 'flagship' for ages but in the end they went with the name so obvious it could only have been improved by adding a numeral 1 after it.

ESPN+: Still Kicking (For Now)!

Now before you start firing up your Smell O Scopes to detect the scent of redundancy fear not! ESPN+ isn't going the way of the dodo…yet. It'll still be around offering a slightly less comprehensive (and less expensive) option for you sports fanatics out there. Think of it as regular old sludge while the new ESPN is premium grade dark matter sludge. Both will give you that same warm feeling inside.

Why "ESPN," You Ask? Why Not Zoidberg?

According to sources who like Hermes Conrad prefer to remain anonymous (bureaucracy!) ESPN Chairman Jimmy Pitaro decided on 'ESPN' to simplify things. Apparently the world of streaming services is just too darn confusing! Which frankly I can sympathize with. I tried streaming the intergalactic wormhole once nearly blew up the lab! It seems even those overpaid media executives are just like us: too lazy to make up a good name. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

Same Content Different Package...and Possibly Different Price!

So what does this all mean for you the viewer? Well mostly it means you'll be paying for the same stuff in a slightly different package. Pay TV subscribers get to authenticate and get the digital 'bells and whistles'. As for a new viewing experience... I've seen better ideas come from a sandwich! But hey at least it's familiar right?

The Mobile App: Your Gateway to Streaming Nirvana (or Mediocrity)

The ESPN mobile app is getting a makeover! It's going to be the grand entrance to this all access streaming extravaganza. Think of it as the Planet Express headquarters except instead of delivering packages across the universe it's delivering…sports! And hopefully not to Omicron Persei 8. Lrrr demands better sports coverage!

Price and Bundles: The Eternal Question

As for the price? Disney CEO Bob Iger (sounds like a sneeze) promises an announcement soon. Expect bundled discounts because who doesn't love a good bundle? Especially if it involves a Slurm Loco. Stay tuned and remember: the future is always in the past!