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Showing 11 to 20 of 25 news articles

Consumer sentiment takes a nosedive, inflation worries soar, and yours truly, C. Montgomery Burns, weighs in with the biting wit and financial acumen you've come to expect. image

Are We All Doomed Smithers?! Consumer Sentiment Plummets Like My Approval Ratings!

Fri 11 April, 2025 14:22
2 minutes to read

A tragic helicopter crash in the Hudson River claims six lives, including a family from Spain, prompting investigations and memories of past aviation accidents in Manhattan. Excellent! image

Dastardly Disaster or Divine Dividend Helicopter Horror in Hudson!

Thu 10 April, 2025 22:22
2 minutes to read

Amazon CEO Andy Jassy claims that AI costs will plummet, like my stock prices after a pesky shareholder meeting. Humbug! image

Bah! Amazon's AI Promises Cheaper! Is This Another One of Bezos's Tricks?!

Thu 10 April, 2025 11:29
2 minutes to read

A temporary pause in tariff rates on pharmaceuticals provides a fleeting reprieve for drugmakers, but the long-term implications of potential tariffs loom large, threatening to disrupt supply chains and raise drug costs for patients. Excellent. image

Tariffs Tantrums and Tinctures! Will Trump's Trade Wars Poison Your Medicine Cabinet?

Wed 09 April, 2025 19:12
3 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns reports on Delta Air Lines' decision to halt expansion due to 'disappointing' bookings and concerns over Trump's trade policies, proving even the skies aren't safe from government meddling. image

Are Trump's Policies Grounding Your Vacation Plans!?

Wed 09 April, 2025 12:20
2 minutes to read

President Trump signs executive orders to boost domestic coal production to meet the electricity demands of artificial intelligence, sparking a debate about emissions and market viability. image

Coal is King Again! Trump's Bold Plan to Power AI With the Black Rock!

Tue 08 April, 2025 21:07
3 minutes to read

Transcarent, backed by General Catalyst, completes the acquisition of Accolade for $621 million, signaling a shift in the digital health landscape and raising questions about the future of healthcare consolidation. image

Transcarent Swallows Accolade Whole Is This Good For My Portfolio?!

Tue 08 April, 2025 14:00
2 minutes to read

A grizzled billionaire's take on the recent market volatility, potential tariff pauses, and how he plans to exploit the chaos for personal gain! Excellent! image

Smithers Bring Me My Market Manipulation Monocle! Is the Stock Market Finally Mine for the Taking?!

Mon 07 April, 2025 18:15
2 minutes to read

European defense stocks plummet amidst broader market downturn and Trump's trade policies, but analysts suggest long-term growth prospects remain strong. Excellent! image

Are My Weapons Stocks Doomed Trump's Tariffs Trigger Market Mayhem!

Mon 07 April, 2025 10:26
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns weighs in on Trump's bewildering tariff formula, finding it even more boneheaded than Smithers' annual performance review. image

Trump's Tariff Formula A SNAFU Even I Can't Believe! Is This the End of Capitalism As We Know It?!

Sat 05 April, 2025 17:23
2 minutes to read