Transcarent Swallows Accolade Whole Is This Good For My Portfolio?!

Excellent News For Burns Industries!

Bah! Another day another headline. Transcarent a name that sounds suspiciously like some sort of modern day conveyor belt has swallowed Accolade whole! $621 million they say? Preposterous! Why I’ve lost more than that on a bad bet at the dog track. Still any consolidation in this wretched 'digital health' sector is good news for me. Less competition means more profits for Burns Industries assuming I ever decide to dabble in such frippery. Smithers remind me to look into this 'Transcarent'. Perhaps they need a seasoned ruthless leader... like myself!

A Tullman By Any Other Name...

This Glen Tullman fellow... he reminds me of myself if I were heaven forbid younger and less… refined. He's swaggering about boasting about 'creating an entirely new way to experience health and care.' New? Pah! There's nothing new under the sun! Unless of course it's one of my inventions. Perhaps a device that leeches money directly from people's wallets? Smithers jot that down!

At Risk Pricing Models?!

'At risk pricing models'?! This sounds like something dreamt up by a socialist madman! These youngsters think they're so clever with their 'algorithms' and 'data'. In my day we simply charged whatever the market would bear! And if they couldn't pay? Well tough nuggies as those hooligans on Evergreen Terrace would say. Still if it means less money out of my pocket... *tents fingers*... then I suppose I can tolerate it. For now.

From Public Darling to Pauper

Ah Accolade. A shooting star that burned out faster than my patience. Went public during the 'Covid pandemic' they say. Fools! Investing based on a fleeting panic? That’s amateur hour! As I always say 'Only invest in things you understand' and frankly I understand only one thing: power. And money! And crushing my enemies! Smithers are you writing this down? It’s all good advice!

The Executive Leadership Carousel of Doom

The executive leadership team will 'report to Tullman.' Of course they will. And no doubt they'll all be vying for his favor desperate to avoid his… ire. Kristen Bruzek you say? 'Executive vice president of care delivery operations'? A meaningless title! It's all just window dressing! The real power resides with the one holding the purse strings. And that my friends is not her!

Excellent... For Now

So Transcarent Accolade Tullman... It's all a game to me. A very lucrative game! And as long as the dividends keep flowing I shall remain… content. But mark my words if they even *think* of cutting into my profits I shall unleash a fury the likes of which Springfield has never seen! Release the hounds Smithers! No wait... not yet. But be ready. *Excellent.*