Trump's Tariff Formula A SNAFU Even I Can't Believe! Is This the End of Capitalism As We Know It?!

Excellent News or is it?

Bah! Another day another economic kerfuffle. This time it's that buffoon Trump and his tariff tomfoolery. I must say even for a man who once wore a dead cat on his head this is remarkably dense. Apparently this tariff formula of his is causing more market tremors than my attempt to corner the plutonium market back in '62. And that's saying something! Smithers remind me to double my lithium investments I have a feeling it will skyrocket.

Underestimating Elasticity? A Blunder of Nuclear Proportions!

These so called 'economists' (a breed slightly less useful than lawyers mind you) are flapping their gums about flawed assumptions. Apparently Trump's calculating these tariffs with an elasticity rate so low it's practically in the Earth's core! According to some eggheads at the American Enterprise Institute it's off by a factor of well quite a bit. It's like trying to power Springfield with a hamster wheel! This reminds me when I tried to save a dime by skimping on the coolant for Sector 7G. Let's just say things got...toasty.

The Lesotho Debacle: A Tragedy in Tariff Form

And the tariffs he's imposing! Ten to fifty percent? Ludicrous! I've had more consistent numbers trying to predict Waylon's mood swings. Apparently this formula is slapping Lesotho (a country I believe somewhere near... uh... Africa?) with a whopping 50% tariff. After adjustment it should be closer to the baseline 10%. Smithers look up Lesotho. Perhaps we can buy it.

Cato Institute Chimes In: Even a Blind Squirrel Finds a Flawed Formula

Even the Cato Institute a bunch so stuffy I can smell the mothballs through the screen is calling out Trump's malarkey. They claim the trade weighted average tariff rates are wildly inflated. China they say has a 3% rate while Trump's team claims 67%! It's as if someone has replaced the numbers on my abacus with Limburger cheese! Smithers find out if we have any holdings in... abacuses.

Are We Doomed? Only Time and Profit Margins Will Tell!

So where does this leave us? Well frankly I'm not sure. But if there is one thing I know Springfield survives. We always do. I just hope my investments remain intact during this economic bluster. Smithers start drafting my contingency plans. And order a fresh batch of marrow bones! I have a feeling I'll need them for stress relief.

Release the Hounds (of Economic Recession)!

In the meantime I advise everyone to hoard gold short everything and blame the unions! This is a crisis people! A CRISIS! Smithers release the hounds... and then release my financial advisor. I have some... questions for him.