Coal is King Again! Trump's Bold Plan to Power AI With the Black Rock!

Excellent! A Coal Renaissance is Upon Us!

Bah! It’s about time someone with a spine (and dare I say a healthy head of hair) took charge! That nincompoop Trump has finally seen the light – or rather felt the glorious heat of coal! He's signed some executive orders to boost coal production all in the name of these newfangled AI contraptions. As if a few measly solar panels could power the future! Coal my friends is the only way to truly unleash the power of tomorrow. Smithers remind me to send Trump a thank you note... and perhaps a small non lethal radioactive isotope as a token of my gratitude.

Natural Gas? A Mere Frivolity!

The article drones on about how 'coal plants are shutting down' due to that ridiculous natural gas craze and 'carbon dioxide emissions'. Poppycock! What’s a little soot in the air compared to progress? These so called environmentalists are nothing but busybodies meddling in affairs they don't understand. They probably haven’t even seen a good ol' fashioned coal fire! And Smithers did you check that the Nuclear Plant followed all emissions regulations this last week? Eh just write something down I don't care.

25 Percent More Power! Release the Hounds!

This Secretary Wright chap wants to expand electricity output by 25%! Now *that’s* what I like to hear! Think of all the gizmos gadgets and…other things that can be powered with such an abundance! If only I could harness that power for my own…ahem…ambitions. Smithers prepare the… plans. This could be bigger than that time I blocked out the sun.

Stock Market Shenanigans! Mwahahaha!

Ah yes the sweet sound of coal stocks rising! Peabody Energy Core Natural Resources Ramaco Resources... their names roll off the tongue like beautiful music! I shall invest heavily! My financial advisors inform me it is 'insider trading' but they are clearly just jealous. It's always a good time to profit from the misfortunes of others. Release the hounds I say let the bull market feast!

AI and Coal? A Match Made in… Hell Actually!

Trump apparently wants to use emergency powers to build power plants for data centers fueled by whatever tickles his fancy. He even mentioned coal as a 'backup' source. Backup?! Coal is the *main* event the *star* of the show! These tech whippersnappers think they can get away with their 'renewables' and 'nuclear energy'? They'll be crawling back to the black gold soon enough mark my words! Coal will always be essential. After all it has stood the test of time.

PJM Interconnection? More Like PJM Inter Disconnection!

The largest grid operator PJM Interconnection is worried about meeting electricity demand? Good! A little chaos is always beneficial to the... well to certain members of society. If only there was some one like myself to fix all the power problems in the world. After all I built the Nuclear Plant which provides so much to the town of Springfield. Smithers start drafting a letter to PJM. Offer my... assistance... for a *small* fee of course. And be sure to include my demands in size 72 font.