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Showing 51 to 60 of 134 news articles

A frail but fiendishly clever look at market movements, Boston Scientific's blunder, Wells Fargo's waffling, and Nvidia's numbers – all approved by C. Montgomery Burns himself! image

Excellent! Burns's Brilliant Breakdown of Today's Business Bungles!

Wed 28 May, 2025 18:41
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns dissects Dick's Sporting Goods' steady financial forecast amidst a major acquisition, revealing his unique perspective on corporate strategies and potential worker exploitation. image

Excellent! Dick's Sporting Goods Forecasts Profits That Won't Leave Me Crying 'Release My Hounds'

Wed 28 May, 2025 12:25
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns dissects the treacherous world of bond yields, currency valuations, and potential economic doom, offering insights only a man of his caliber can provide. image

Excellent! Bond Yields and Global Domination: A Burnsian Perspective

Tue 27 May, 2025 19:21
3 minutes to read

Samantha Mui ditches corporate drudgery to teach dumpling-making, earning a Scrooge McDuck-worthy $10,000 an hour. A truly excellent scheme... perhaps even better than my plan to block out the sun! image

Excellent! Dumpling Queen Rakes in More Dough Than Burns' Nuclear Plant (Almost)

Tue 27 May, 2025 04:27
2 minutes to read

Presidential frontrunner Lee Jae-myung questions the deadline for US trade deal, sparking economic debate and North Korea policy concerns. Smithers, prepare my fainting couch! image

Excellent! South Korea's Presidential Hopeful Challenges Trump Tariffs... Or Does He Simply Lack Gumption?

Sun 25 May, 2025 11:03
2 minutes to read

Donald Trump approves the U.S. Steel and Nippon Steel merger, reversing Biden's block and promising jobs and economic growth. Smithers, fetch my celebratory cigar! image

Excellent News! Trump Greenlights Steel Merger, a Bonanza for Me!

Fri 23 May, 2025 21:21
2 minutes to read

Donald Trump greenlights U.S. Steel and Nippon Steel merger, promising jobs and economic boost while sticking it to Sleepy Joe. image

Excellent! Trump Uncorks Steel Deal, Biden Gets the Boot!

Fri 23 May, 2025 21:21
2 minutes to read

A grumpy old tycoon's perspective on Trump's trade war threats, from tariffs on the EU to Apple's potential punishment. image

Release the Hounds! Trump's Tariff Tantrum Rattles European Union, Apple Trembles

Fri 23 May, 2025 12:26
3 minutes to read

C. Montgomery Burns shares his insights on BJ's Wholesale Club, Uber, and Palo Alto Networks, proving he's still got a nose for profit despite tariff troubles and pesky regulations. image

Excellent! Burns Endorses Stocks: A Glimpse into My Investments (And Yours, If You're Smart)

Thu 22 May, 2025 19:49
2 minutes to read

A report on ASML's High NA chipmaking machine, its cost, capabilities, and impact on the semiconductor industry, written from the perspective of Mr. Burns. image

Excellent! Burns's Breakthrough: The $400 Million Machine That's Shrinking the World (and My Expenses!)

Thu 22 May, 2025 12:13
2 minutes to read