Wall Street's Weak Wobble: A Nuisance!
Bah Wall Street! Stocks 'edged down,' did they? As if I C. Montgomery Burns care about such minuscule movements. It's all a game for simpletons. Investors awaiting earnings? They should be awaiting my instructions! This Trump fellow postponing tariffs... humbug! Threaten them yes but follow through! Where's the backbone? Smithers remind me to buy more backbone futures... if such a thing exists. And if not invent it!
Boston Scientific Bites the Dust: A Victory!
Boston Scientific is backing out of something? *Excellent.* One less competitor in the medical gadgetry game. Smithers make a note: acquire Medtronic Edwards Lifesciences and this 'Abbott Laboratories.' Consolidate power! Monopoly! It's the American way! $200 million in revenue shifting? Peanuts! I lose more than that in a bad game of checkers with Waylon. Still every little bit helps to line the Burns family vaults eh Smithers?
Wells Fargo's Wishful Thinking: Foolish!
Wells Fargo's CEO Charlie Scharf 'confident' about asset caps being lifted? Hmph. They all say that. Words are wind Smithers wind! The Federal Reserve that den of vipers will make them grovel for years. Still good news for them I suppose. Frees up more capital to... what? Invest in their employees? Preposterous! Smithers remind me to write a strongly worded letter to the Fed about the perils of allowing banks to make money... it sets a bad example.
Nvidia's Numbers Game: A Glimmer of Hope!
Nvidia! Now there's a company with potential! Earnings reports inventory write downs CEO Jensen Huang... it's all Greek to me but the stock is going up! That's all that matters! Smithers buy! Buy! Buy! Before the rabble realize what's happening! And this 'Mad Money' program... pah! They should call it 'Burns's Brilliant Business Bonanza!' But I digress. The guidance is key they say. We shall see... we shall see...
Other Odds and Ends: Irrelevant!
Agilent SentinelOne e.l.f. Beauty... Who cares? Smithers do *you* care? *[Smithers replies offscreen]* Exactly! Trivial pursuits for the lower classes. Let them squabble over their quarterly results. I have a nuclear power plant to run... and a town to exploit. Speaking of which remind me to raise the electricity rates again.
Cramer's Club? Poppycock!
This 'CNBC Investing Club' and Jim Cramer? Sounds like a social club for losers. They wait 45 minutes after sending a trade alert? Utter madness! I buy and sell on a whim driven by instinct and the occasional malevolent impulse. Smithers fire Cramer! Find me a younger more... subservient financial advisor. Perhaps a monkey? Yes a monkey in a suit. *Excellent!*
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hbn13
Bah! All this talk of money makes me want to exploit someone!