Release the Hounds! Trump's Tariff Tantrum Rattles European Union, Apple Trembles

Excellent! More Money for Me!

Bah these politicians! They think they're so clever don't they? But Burns knows best. Trump that rambunctious Republican threatening tariffs like they're going out of style! A 50% tariff on the European Union he says? Excellent! More money for me indirectly of course. All that trade flowing through… it’s good for the economy…which is good for the power plant. And what’s good for the power plant is good for… well you get the idea. As if I didn’t have enough already. Smithers remind me to recalculate my net worth. Again.

Apple You Disappoint Me

And Apple! Ungrateful wretches. Build your infernal iPhones here in America Trump demands. Otherwise a 25% tariff! I say good! Maybe they'll learn a lesson. They think they're so innovative with their… their… whatchamacallits. I bet they're all in cahoots with the Flying Dutchman. He's a sneaky one that Dutchman. First he wants your soul then he wants to buy all of your new I Phones! Although I do like their… iThingamajigs. Smithers write a memo. I want an iThingamajig that can count my money faster.

Markets in Mayhem!

Oh the markets are reacting poorly you say? Stock futures sinking European markets down 2%? Good! A little chaos keeps things interesting. It's like watching a rat race... only with more paperwork and expensive suits. Perhaps it’s time to deploy the hounds… or you know buy low and sell high. Smithers check my portfolio. See if we can profit from this… kerfuffle.

Those Troublesome Europeans!

The EU! Formed to take advantage of the United States Trump cries. Trade barriers VAT taxes ridiculous corporate penalties! It sounds like Flanders drew up their business model! I once tried to trade power plant waste for Belgian waffles. They refused! Said something about 'environmental regulations.' Hmph. Regulations are for the weak! Perhaps this tariff will finally teach them a lesson. A lesson in… Burnsnomics!

Smithers Prepare the Executive Jet!

Jamieson Greer meets with his European counterpart you say? Probably just more empty platitudes and handshakes. Talk talk talk. No one ever gets anything done. These trade negotiations going nowhere! Well I say let’s shake things up! Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Smithers ready the executive jet. I think it’s time for Mr. Burns to personally involve himself in international trade… for the good of Springfield of course.

Release the Robot Bees!

So a 50% tariff on the EU starting June 1st. Unless they start building things here. A simple solution really. It’s all about control. And… a larger profit margin. Smithers I want you to look into the feasibility of using robot bees to enforce these tariffs. They can sting anyone importing European goods! A gentle sting of course. Just enough to… encourage compliance. Hee hee hee!