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Showing 41 to 50 of 134 news articles

Rolls-Royce gets the nod for small modular reactors, proving that nuclear power is the only sensible path forward. Those environmental zealots can eat my shorts! image

Excellent! Britain Embraces Nuclear, Just As I Predicted!

Tue 10 June, 2025 09:11
2 minutes to read

Los Angeles protesters give Waymo robotaxis a fiery sendoff amidst Trump's immigration crackdown, much to my amusement. image

Excellent! Waymo Cars Go Up in Smoke! A Victory for the Common Man!

Mon 09 June, 2025 16:06
2 minutes to read

Smithers, prepare the fainting couch! The Yanks are groveling to the Chinese in London over this ridiculous trade spat. Time to buy more yuan, I think. image

Excellent! Trump's Minions Beg China for Forgiveness! A Burns News Exclusive

Mon 09 June, 2025 07:39
2 minutes to read

A bitter falling out between Trump and Musk over a tax bill has escalated into a public spat, jeopardizing Republican unity and potentially impacting upcoming elections. image

Release the Hounds! Trump and Musk's Nasty Feud Threatens the GOP

Fri 06 June, 2025 23:32
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns weighs in on Disney and Universal's colossal theme park expansions, questioning the sanity (and profitability) of these lavish ventures amidst economic uncertainties. image

Excellent! Burns' Take on Theme Park Wars: Disney and Universal Duke It Out!

Sun 08 June, 2025 12:00
2 minutes to read

After a dismal May, the Health Care Select Sector SPDR Fund (XLV) is showing signs of a potential rebound, driven by key support levels and oversold conditions in its top holdings, according to Mr. Burns. image

Excellent! Health Care Stocks Primed for a Comeback, Says Montgomery Burns

Wed 04 June, 2025 18:27
3 minutes to read

That Roark Capital, they acquired a majority stake in Dave's Hot Chicken, valuing the fiery poultry chain at nearly a billion dollars. It's all rather exciting, isn't it? image

Excellent! Roark Capital Sinks Claws Into Dave's Hot Chicken Empire!

Mon 02 June, 2025 18:14
2 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns, your friendly neighborhood billionaire, navigates the treacherous waters of cruise insurance to ensure your fortune remains intact, even when vacationing with the commoners. image

Excellent! Burns' Guide to Cruise Insurance: Don't Let the Sea Steal Your Millions!

Sun 01 June, 2025 04:15
3 minutes to read

Burns Industries applauds Meta and Anduril's collaboration on VR/AR tech for the U.S. Army, marking a triumphant return for Palmer Luckey and potentially boosting profits for all! image

Excellent! Meta and Anduril Join Forces to Usher in a New Era of... Military Efficiency!

Thu 29 May, 2025 17:34
3 minutes to read

That DeepSeek company out of China quietly upgraded their AI model, causing quite the kerfuffle for us Yanks. Seems those pesky embargoes aren't working, Smithers! image

Excellent! DeepSeek's AI Upgrade: A Ding-Dong Diddly Disaster for American Tech?

Thu 29 May, 2025 07:10
2 minutes to read