Excellent! Burns' Guide to Cruise Insurance: Don't Let the Sea Steal Your Millions!

Release the Robotic Richard Simmonses!

Good heavens have you seen the rabble booking cruises these days? It's enough to make one consider living in a germ free bubble! But even *I* Charles Montgomery Burns occasionally need a 'holiday,' if only to escape Smithers' incessant humming of show tunes. And that's where cruise insurance comes in. It's like having a miniature legal team dedicated to ensuring none of your precious assets are squandered on shall we say *unforeseen* nautical mishaps. I'd say 'release the robotic Richard Simmonses' but that's a different issue.

A Cruel and Unusual Policy

This CNBC article (Honestly who reads CNBC? Bunch of softies!) highlights several options each tailored to the specific... *ailments* of the modern traveler. Afraid of losing your job? AXA has you covered presumably so you can spend your days applying to work for ME! For the geriatric set (a demographic I plan to dominate for the next century) TravelSafe offers coverage up to age 100. A century! Preposterous! But if you're infirm Seven Corners is your best bet. And if you are planning on bringing your wretched spawn along Travel Guard promises coverage for one child age 17 or younger with each related adult...one is more than enough for me *ha ha!*

Missing the Boat? Pathetic!

Missing your connection? Pathetic! But even the best laid plans of mice and... *me* can go awry. Nationwide offers up to $2,500 to help you catch up to your floating prison. Now Berkshire Hathaway—that's more my speed. Luxury cruises higher reimbursement limits. Finally an insurance company that understands the finer things in life like solid gold life rafts and caviar buffets. World Nomads? Adventure travelers? Sounds dreadful! Keep me away from those rambunctious roustabouts I say! I'll stick to my Bingo and Brandy thank you very much!

A Sinking Feeling (Without the Sinking Ship Hopefully)

The article explains that cruise insurance covers everything from trip cancellations to medical emergencies. Imagine being stuck in international waters with a common cold and no way to strong arm a doctor into prioritizing your treatment! Unthinkable! It even covers ship disablement. My stars the indignity! I suppose it's better to be prepared though. As that dreadful Homer Simpson says: 'Doh!'

The Price of Peace (and Avoiding the Poorhouse)

Apparently cruise insurance costs 3% to 10% of the cruise. Pennies! Peanuts! For a Burns anyway. For you commoners I suppose it's a bit more... *significant.* But consider this: the cost of *not* having it could be far greater. Imagine losing your dentures overboard and being forced to gum your lobster bisque. The horror! Read your policy though. They're always trying to pull a fast one!

Excellent! Now Get Me Smithers!

So is cruise insurance worth it? For the average vacationer perhaps. For *me*? It's essential. I need to ensure that no pesky accident or malady interferes with my enjoyment of the high seas (or more accurately my plotting of world domination from my luxury suite). Now if you'll excuse me I have a polo match to win (with a little help from a few strategically placed bees). Excellent! Smithers are you there?