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Showing 91 to 100 of 134 news articles

Montgomery Burns analyzes the corporate intrigue at Kohl's, where a CEO has been ousted for alleged conflicts of interest, amidst falling sales and strategic blunders. A perfectly cromulent disaster, if I do say so myself. image

Excellent! Kohl's CEO Bites the Dust! A Burns' Eye View

Thu 01 May, 2025 15:15
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns weighs in on the recent Wall Street Journal report of Tesla's CEO search and Robyn Denholm's swift denial. Is it time to send Smithers to poach Elon, or should we let him stew in his own electric juice? image

Release the Hounds! Tesla CEO Saga: A Burnsian Perspective on Musk's Reign

Thu 01 May, 2025 08:54
2 minutes to read

Meta reports unexpectedly high first-quarter revenue, leaving this tycoon feeling, well, not completely displeased. A deeper dive reveals some potential headwinds, but nothing a good ol' fashioned hostile takeover can't fix. image

Excellent! Meta's Profits Surge, Just As I Predicted (Probably)

Wed 30 April, 2025 22:16
3 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns analyzes Zoom's stock recovery, AI integration, and undervalued status, seeing it as a prime chance for profit. Release the hounds... on these shares! image

Excellent! Zoom Stock: A Golden Opportunity for Capitalistic Exploitation, Smithers!

Wed 30 April, 2025 15:39
2 minutes to read

UK's stringent regulations and funding woes may drive fintech and crypto innovation elsewhere, leaving me, Mr. Burns, in a state of utter disappointment and threatening my plans for world domination, excellent! image

Bah Humbug! Britain's Crypto Dreams: A Crushing Blow to Progress, Excellent!

Wed 30 April, 2025 05:00
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns dissects Super Micro's recent financial woes, blaming everything on sluggish employees and those meddling analysts. image

Excellent! Super Micro's Profits Plummet Like Smithers' Popularity!

Tue 29 April, 2025 21:09
2 minutes to read

HSBC's Q1 results exceed expectations, prompting a hefty share buyback and leaving this old miser feeling rather...content. image

Excellent! HSBC's Bonanza: A Buyback Fit for a Billionaire!

Tue 29 April, 2025 05:43
2 minutes to read

A Senate report alleges Elon Musk used his influence with the Trump administration to potentially avoid over $2 billion in liabilities. Smithers, release the hounds... on these accusations! image

Excellent! Musk's Masterful Maneuver: Avoiding Billions, Benefiting Bigly!

Mon 28 April, 2025 17:39
2 minutes to read

A look at how dividend stocks and ETFs are becoming increasingly attractive to investors seeking stability amidst market volatility, with insights from the perspective of a seasoned capitalist. image

Excellent! Dividend Stocks Offer Respite from Market Mayhem, Says Montgomery Burns!

Sun 27 April, 2025 18:25
2 minutes to read

World leaders and faithful bid farewell to Pope Francis, a simple man with simple tastes. A good man, who is gone too soon. Good riddance! image

Excellent! Pope Francis's Funeral Draws Massive Crowds, Even More Massive Than My Annual Birthday Bash!

Sat 26 April, 2025 10:30
3 minutes to read