Giggity! China Plays Hide-and-Seek with Rare Earths and American Companies!

China's Got Me Saying...Freakin' Sweet!

Alright alright settle down you bunch of Quahogs! Peter Griffin here your favorite newsman (don't tell Tom Tucker). So China and the US they've been doin' this whole trade tango right? It's like when Lois tries to teach me to dance – two steps forward one step back and usually ending with me on the floor covered in gravy. Turns out China's givin' 28 American companies a little break like when I give Meg a participation trophy just so she'll stop cryin'.

But Wait There's a Catch! (Of Course There Is...)

But hold your horses! China's still playin' hardball with some of those fancy schmancy rare earth metals. You know the stuff that makes our phones ring and our military go boom boom. Apparently they're keeping those locked up tighter than my wallet when Lois suggests a trip to the fancy grocery store. Seven of them are still off the table for the US: Samarium gadolinium terbium dysprosium lutetium scandium and yttrium. Sounds like the names of Santa's reindeer's lesser known cousins if you ask me.

Rare Earths: China's Secret Weapon? More Like a Mildly Irritating Itch!

These rare earths are kinda a big deal because America's hooked on 'em like I'm hooked on Pawtucket Patriot Ale. China knows this and they're using it like a coupon for a free pizza – a delicious strategic pizza. Some newsy type linked to Chinese TV even asked if our weapons were gonna be all wonky now that we're 'strangled by rare earth shortages'. Strangled? Please! We'll just use duct tape and bubblegum like I fix everything around the house!

Dual Use? Sounds Like Something I'd Find in Quagmire's Apartment

Now these 28 companies that got a break? They're dealing with 'dual use' items. Sounds like somethin' Quagmire would be into am I right? Giggity! But seriously it means they make stuff that can be used for regular stuff or for… uh… war stuff. And China took 'em off the naughty list for 90 days. It's like when I promise to be good for a whole week then immediately eat a family sized bucket of fried chicken.

The Unreliable Entity List: Where Bad Companies Go To...Wait What Do They Do?

And there's this whole 'unreliable entity list' thing. It's like the people who aren't invited to my birthday party because they steal all the beer. Companies on this list can't import or export from China which is bad news for them. Some drone makers got a temporary pass which is great news for me. Maybe I can finally get a drone to deliver my beer from The Drunken Clam! Now that's what I call progress!

National Security! Or Why China Needs to Keep an Eye on Shiny Rocks

China's sayin' they need to control these rare earths for 'national security'. Which is probably code for 'we want to mess with America a little bit'. But hey who am I to judge? I once declared my backyard a sovereign nation so I wouldn't have to pay property taxes. Didn't work out so well though. Long story short stay tuned folks this trade war is still hotter than Lois when I bring home a winning lottery ticket! Giggity Giggity Goo!