Excellent! Newsom Sues Fox News for a Pittance of $787 Million!

Release the Hounds... of Lawyers!

Bah! As if I don't have enough bothersome details to manage running my nuclear power plant. Now I see this Newsom fellow with his 'progressive values' and 'articulate voice' as he calls it is suing Fox News for a measly $787 million. Why that's barely enough to keep my hounds fed for a week! The suit is about some alleged fibbing regarding a phone call with that orange buffoon Trump. As if I care about these… political shenanigans.

A Call to Arms... I Mean Lawyers

Apparently this Fox News channel a network that is clearly inferior to my own broadcasting station made some rather unfortunate claims about Newsom not having a call with Trump. The audacity! Newsom in a fit of pique claims they're motivated to 'lie and distort on behalf of the President.' As if Trump needs any help with that! My dear Smithers could handle Trump's lies better than Watters ever could.

Lies Damned Lies and Cable News

The crux of the matter? Fox News anchor this Watters nincompoop suggested Newsom lied about this so called phone call in early June. A 'formal on air apology' is demanded or this suit continues. Frankly it's all rather tiresome. These news channels should be focusing on more important matters like the increasing price of plutonium.

Free Speech? Or Just Free Lies?

Fox News calls this suit a 'transparent publicity stunt' to chill free speech. Says it's frivolous and designed to… well to annoy them I presume. They vow to defend themselves vigorously. Good luck to them I say! The last time someone tried to 'vigorously defend' against me they ended up working in the bowels of my power plant. Muah ha ha!

The Curious Case of the Missing Minutes

Apparently there was a 16 minute conversation between Newsom and Trump on June 6th or 7th. Now what could those two possibly have to talk about? Perhaps Newsom was begging for a job. Or maybe Trump was asking for help with his… hair. Either way the suit claims Trump steered the topic away from those irritating protests in Los Angeles. As if he cares about anything other than his own image!

Propaganda Machine? More Like a Broken Typewriter!

Newsom declares he'll 'keep fighting against their propaganda machine' until Fox News tells the truth. Oh please. Every news outlet has its slant including my own Channel 6. The important thing is to control the narrative no matter how… creatively interpreted it may be. Excellent! Time to go see what Smithers is doing.