Bah Humbug! China Demands I Abolish MY Tariffs?!

A "Small Step"? Poppycock!

Blast that Chairman Xi and his communist cabal! China's Commerce Ministry has the audacity to call my tariff exemptions a mere 'small step.' A small step?! It's a Herculean act of generosity on my part akin to giving Smithers a five cent raise after a century of loyal service. (He's lucky I don't fire him outright the ingrate!) They want me Montgomery Burns to 'completely abolish' the reciprocal tariffs? Preposterous! As if I'd relinquish control of my… I mean *our* national wealth to those commie pinkos!

Rational Voices? Bah!

They're urging me to heed the 'rational voices of the international community.' Rational? The only rational voice I hear is the one telling me to hoard all the money and build a fortress made of gold! They want 'equal dialogue based on mutual respect?' Respect is earned not given! And the last time I checked China was still trying to sell me that bamboo steamer they pawned off as a nuclear reactor component! Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice... well you won't get fooled again!

Trump Backing Down? Not on My Watch!

The Chinese media portrays these exemptions as Trump 'backing down.' Retreating?! I'm not retreating; I'm strategically… repositioning! Like when I 'repositioned' the Springfield Isotopes to Albuquerque much to the town's delight I assure you. These exemptions are merely a… a temporary adjustment to ensure the continued flow of cheap trinkets and baubles into my… I mean *our* fine nation. It's all part of the plan Smithers. A brilliant plan!

Tech Giants Rejoice (For Now)

So these tech companies like that Apple outfit are thrilled by my… I mean *our* generosity. They can continue manufacturing their overpriced iWhatevers in China without facing the full brunt of my… *our* tariffs. Good for them. Just remember who's in charge when the robots rise boys! It's *I* who will control the means of production distribution and ultimate destruction!

Irreversible Damage? Exaggerated!

This CNBC rag claims the long lasting effects on the U.S. economy and small businesses may be irreversible. Poppycock! Irreversible is when I misplace my dentures. A 20% tariff still remains mind you! I'll have you know that a little hardship builds character. Besides who needs small businesses when you have a sprawling monolithic corporation like Burns Industries? Excellent!

No Trump Xi Chat? Good Riddance!

No immediate plans for me... I mean Trump to speak with that Chairman Xi? All the better! I have no patience for idle chit chat about trade deficits and intellectual property theft. My time is far too valuable for such mundane matters. I have to plot new ways to exploit my employees and corner the market on plutonium! Smithers get me my beryllium hat!