Harvard Under Attack! Trump Says Hail to the King, Baby!

Hail to the King Baby: Trump Takes on Harvard!

Alright folks Duke Nukem here reporting live from the front lines of... well higher education apparently. Seems the big guy Trump is makin' moves on Harvard. Word on the street is he's yankin' their international student privileges because they're allegedly toleratin' antisemitism. And I thought *I* had a bad rep! The Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem is tellin' Harvard that they better shape up or ship out their foreign exchange students. Looks like someone's readin' from my playbook: Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and they're all outta bubblegum.

Show Me the Money (or Lack Thereof)!

And it ain't just student visas. Trump's administration is freezin' a whole lotta cash. We're talkin' billions in grants and contracts. Apparently they think Harvard ain't playin' nice with taxpayer dollars. Noem straight up said Harvard's become a "cesspool of extremist riots." Reminds me of the time those alien bastards trashed my apartment! Seriously though Harvard better figure out who's buying the drinks around here or they're gonna be singin' the blues. As I always say: "My money's on Duke!"

Foreign Exchange? More Like Foreign Intrigue!

Harvard's got a ton of international students like over 27% of their whole freakin' school! Noem's givin' them till the end of April to spill the beans on their student visa holders. It's like she's sayin' "Come get some!" But Harvard's standing their ground. They're claimin' Trump's tryin' to control what they think. Looks like it's a battle between big government and big brains. I'd pay to see this one.

DEI? More Like Die!

So Columbia University caved in to the demands to stop the bleeding of funding but Harvard isn't bendin' over. They're refusing to scrap their DEI (Diversity Equity and Inclusion) programs and change their hiring practices. Harvard President Alan Garber said Trump's lookin' for "direct governmental regulation of the 'intellectual conditions' at Harvard." Sounds like a load of academical bull to me! Sometimes the only way to win is to fight dirty. Now where's my shotgun?

Harvard's Not Backing Down!

A Harvard spokesperson said they ain't surrenderin' their independence. Sounds like they got some serious balls. They're claimin' they'll follow the law expectin' the Trump administration to do the same. This could get ugly. They're playing chicken with the big boys. And you know what Duke always says? "I'm gonna tear you a new one!"

Hamas Hippies and Harvard... Oh My!

The Trump administration is pointin' fingers at the pro Palestine protests that have been poppin' up all over the place. Noem's sayin' Harvard's toleratin' antisemitism and it's fuelin' extremist riots. She's even callin' Harvard's leadership "spineless." That's cold even for me. But hey maybe it's time for a little "shake it baby!" action to wake everyone up. This is one hell of a mess and I'm all outta gum.