Hail to the King, Baby! Trump Scores a FREE Air Force One (Almost)!

Shake It Baby! Free Bird Alert!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Word on the street is the Trump administration just scored a sweet Boeing 747 from Qatar. Free baby FREE! Seems those oil rich sheiks are feeling generous. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth signed on the dotted line and now Uncle Sam's got a new toy. I love the smell of free airplanes in the morning. Smells like... victory!

Come Get Some! Upgrade Time!

Apparently the Donald wants this bird pimped out to be the new Air Force One. Now that's what I call a power move! The Pentagon's already working on turning this luxury liner into a fortress. Security measures mission requirements the whole shebang. I'm sure they'll add a few extra features – like a secret stash of bubblegum and maybe a hidden weapons compartment just in case those pesky aliens decide to drop by for a visit.

Groovy! Controversy Brewin'

Of course nothing's ever simple is it? Turns out some folks are crying foul. Democrats experts even a few Republicans are raising their eyebrows calling it a bribe. Bribery? Please! It's a gift a token of appreciation! Besides Trump says it's for the U.S. government not for him. Though I bet he wouldn't mind taking a spin in that thing. I know I wouldn't!

Damn I'm Good! The Boeing Blues

Now Boeing's been draggin' their feet on building the *real* new Air Force Ones. Trump's not happy and frankly neither am I! What's taking so long? It's not rocket science... well actually it kinda is but you get my drift. Maybe they need to hire me as a consultant. I'd whip those engineers into shape faster than you can say "hail to the king baby!"

What Are You Waiting For? A Billion Dollar Fixer Upper?

The problem is this Qatar jet isn't exactly plug and play. Experts are saying it'll cost over a BILLION dollars to convert it into a proper Air Force One. A billion! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of cigars and a whole lotta babes. Still if it gets the job done faster it might be worth it. Besides who doesn't love a good fixer upper?

Nobody Steals Our Chickens! Political Shenanigans

Senator Susan Collins is all worked up about political espionage and ethical problems. Relax sweetheart! It's just a freakin' airplane! Trump says it'd be "stupid" to turn down a free jet and I gotta agree. It's not like Qatar's gonna suddenly start launching nukes from the White House lawn. Besides I'm sure Trump can handle any political shenanigans. He's a tough cookie. Just like me.