Warner Bros Discovery ADDS Subscribers But Is It Enough To Save Us All!?

6.4 Million New Suckers I Mean Subscribers!

Alright alright alright... settle down chat! So Warner Bros. Discovery or WBD as the suits like to call it added 6.4 million global streaming subscribers in the last quarter. 116.9 million total... that's a lotta people watchin' somethin'. Is it good? Well they're sayin' it's good. CEO David Zaslav is out here quoting himself claiming Max will prosper. He's got that CEO confidence you know the kind where they tell you everything is fine while the ship's sinking. But hey at least SOMEONE is watching Velma season 2 right?

Show Me The Money (Or At Least Some of It)!

Okay the streaming segment brought in $2.65 billion up 5%. Not bad not bad at all. And they even managed to pull an adjusted EBITDA of $409 million compared to losing money last year! Progress I guess? But here's the thing chat revenue overall is down. Like 'oh no my WoW token just expired' down. They're projecting a brighter future but I've seen enough projections to know they're usually about as accurate as my DPS in a Mythic raid.

150 Million Subscribers by 2026? Copium Overdose!

They're saying they're gonna hit 150 million subscribers by 2026. That's a bold claim Cotton! Let's see if it pays off for 'em. They're expanding Max to the UK Ireland Germany and Italy. Good for them more places for people to accidentally stumble upon the Snyder Cut! Personally I still think people will just find a way to torrent it.

No More Sports For You (Unless You Pay Extra)!

So they're keeping B/R Sports and CNN content for the folks who already pay for the standard and premium tiers. Gotta keep the gravy train rollin'. But if you're on the cheapo ad supported tier? Tough luck buddy. Get ready for a whole lotta reruns of Friends. And they're losing the NBA which Zaslav says they don't need... Sure buddy sure. Tell that to LeBron's bank account. I bet he's really worried about this...

CNN's Ratings Tanked?! Shocking!

Turns out CNN didn't get the election bump they were hoping for. Ratings fell after the election. Color me surprised! I mean who would have thought that people would stop watching the news the second the election was over? You learn something new every day I guess. Meanwhile Fox News is over there swimming in piles of money like Scrooge McDuck.

The Final Verdict: Is WBD Doomed?

Alright so WBD missed revenue expectations lost money and the TV networks are shrinking faster than my hairline. But they're adding streaming subscribers making some money in that department and Zaslav is still out here preaching the gospel of Max. So are they doomed? Maybe! Are they gonna keep trying? Definitely! Will I keep watching to see the dumpster fire unfold? You bet your sweet bippy! As long as they don't take away my Rick and Morty!