Excellent! FDA Fast-Tracks Drug Approvals, Headspace Hogs Mental Health Market!

A "Burnsing" Opportunity at the FDA!

Good heavens! As if the FDA wasn't already bending to my whims... Now they're proposing to *speed up* drug reviews? One to two months you say? Why that's barely enough time for Smithers to brew me a calming tea after a particularly stressful stock market dip! Commissioner Makary blathers on about 'cures' and 'meaningful treatments.' Preposterous! The only cure I care about is the one for my dwindling fortune and I suspect this voucher program might just be the tonic I need. Release the hounds... on the FDA!

Pre emptive Applications and Enhanced Communications (For Me of Course)

So companies can submit applications *before* the final results are even in? Brilliant! It's like betting on a horse race before the horse is even born! And 'enhanced' communication? Smithers remind me to schedule a golf game with whoever's in charge of that department. Perhaps a little 'persuasion' is in order. A few well placed campaign contributions (tax deductible naturally) and suddenly my 'national interest' becomes *everyone's* national interest. Release the hounds on my accountants!

National Health Priorities? Sounds Like Profit Priorities!

Addressing a health crisis increasing domestic drug manufacturing... all very noble I'm sure. But let's be honest it's about the money isn't it? The Trump administration wants to reshore drug manufacturing? Excellent! More jobs for... robots mostly. But still! And potential tariffs? Even better! Fewer competitors means higher profits. I'll have Smithers draw up a proposal to build a new Burns Atomic Mega Pharma Factory. It'll be powered by the tears of environmentalists of course. Release the hounds on Greenpeace!

30 Day Reviews? I've Waited Longer for My Manicures!

30 days? That's the fastest they've ever done it? They must be mad! Still I suppose a quick buck is a quick buck. The real question is who gets these vouchers? I trust the FDA won't be handing them out to just *anyone*. Unless that 'anyone' is me naturally. I'll have Smithers investigate who's been donating to whose campaigns. A little 'friendly' competition never hurt anyone... except perhaps the competition. Release the hounds on my competitors!

Headspace? More Like 'Deadspace' For My Competitors!

Headspace is now selling therapy directly to consumers? And backed by insurance? What is this some sort of socialist plot? Well if they can't be beaten they must be bought! Smithers look into acquiring this 'Headspace.' Perhaps we can rebrand it as 'Burns Brain Soothers.' We'll replace all the meditation with subliminal messages promoting the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant! Release the hounds... of marketing!

The 'Easy Button' for Mental Health? More Like the 'Easy Button' for Profit!

An 'Easy Button' for mental health eh? That Pickett fellow sounds awfully ambitious. But ambition is a virtue as long as it serves *me*. And with insurance backing a chatbot named 'Ebb,' and millions of potential customers this Headspace could be a goldmine! Now to devise a strategy to... acquire... this enterprise. A hostile takeover? A friendly merger? Either way it will be mine! Release the hounds!