Say Hello to My Little Tariff: US Trade Gets a 'Facelift'!

The American Dream? More Like the American Nightmare!

Alright listen up you punks! Tony Montana here reporting live from the goddamn trenches of the trade war. These eggheads at the Yale Budget Lab are saying the US tariffs are higher than a goddamn skyscraper! We're talking 17.8% the highest since 1934! You know what that means? More dinero outta your pockets and less for me to... invest. These politicians they're all the same: 'Too much taxes too much!'

China and UK Deals: A Band Aid on a Bullet Wound?

So these bozos in Washington think they're slick huh? They make a deal with China to cut tariffs from 145% to 30% for 90 days. Ninety days! That's like giving a starving man a single goddamn crouton! And the UK? They get a slap on the ass and a pat on the head. This ain't gonna cut it compadres. It's like trying to stop a hurricane with a goddamn teacup! They think they can fool us? Say goodnight to the bad guy!

Two Grand?! Are You Kidding Me?

These tariffs are gonna cost the average family $2,800! $2,800! That's a lotta dough even for me and I'm Tony Montana! You could buy a nice little car with that kinda scratch. Or maybe you know a small mountain of cocaine. These politicians they don't give a rat's ass about you or me. They're too busy stuffing their own pockets. But me? I care. I care about getting my cut.

Blame it on Trump: The Orange Haired Menace!

They're saying this is all Trump's fault! Before he came along tariffs were nothing. Now? Sky high! He put tariffs on steel aluminum cars...everything! He's like a goddamn tariff machine! But don't worry I'll find a way to profit from this. I always do.

Survival of the Fittest: Adapt or Die!

The eggheads say you gotta change how you buy stuff to avoid these tariffs. Buy less Chinese crap? Maybe. Buy more from other places? Maybe. But one thing's for sure: you gotta adapt or you're gonna get steamrolled. This is America baby! Land of opportunity...and high ass tariffs! You gotta be smart be ruthless and be ready to do whatever it takes to survive. Like I always say 'Every day above ground is a good day.'

The Montana Guarantee: I'll Get Mine!

So what's the bottom line? This tariff bullcrap is gonna make things tougher. But don't you worry your pretty little heads. Tony Montana always finds a way. I'll find the loopholes I'll make the deals and I'll come out on top. Because in this world you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money you get the power. Then when you get the power then you get the women. And the tariffs? They're just another obstacle in my way. Say hello to my little friend! I'll crush 'em!