Say Hello to My Little Birkenstocks: Trump's Tariffs Can't Stop the Sandal Empire!

The World is Yours... and These Sandals Too!

Listen up you punks! Tony Montana's here to tell you about some damn sandals. Birkenstock you hear me? Bank of America says these Kraut made kicks are gonna keep makin' money even with that crazy Trump and his tariffs. They're talkin' about a 26% jump in the stock price! That's more than I made in my first week dealin' and that's sayin' somethin'. These guys are laughin' all the way to the bank like I did with my little mountain of green.

First You Get the Money Then You Get the Power Then You Get the Birkenstocks!

Apparently these Birkenstock fellas had a killer quarter. Beatin' expectations left and right! But they're still cryin' about Trump's 10% tariff. 'Boo hoo,' they say 'we gotta raise prices!' I say so what? People pay for quality and if they ain't got the cash they can kiss my ass! These ain't no cheap flip flops these are Birkenstocks! They got the power to charge what they want just like I did back in the day.

Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick: The Man with the Plan?

This Lutnick dude is backin' up Trump sayin' these tariffs are here to stay. Foreseeable future? Sounds like a prison sentence! But Birkenstock ain't sweatin'. This dame from Bank of America Lorraine Hutchinson she says they're sittin' pretty because they don't make nothin' in Asia. Smart move huh? Keep it European keep it classy. No Asia manufacturing that's the key! And remember what I said don't get high on your own supply!

No Asia Manufacturing? That's What I'm Talkin' About!

This Hutchinson broad is spillin' the beans: 95% of Birkenstocks are made in Germany and all of 'em in Europe. The raw materials? Also from Europe. This is how you run a business! Keep it close keep it tight. She says they only gotta bump prices a little to cover the tariff. A little huh? That's like a sneeze in a hurricane my friend. But you know I always told myself keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Say Goodnight to the Bad Times!

These Birkenstocks have been on a roll all year. Up almost 2%! And they've jumped 26% in the last six months that's way more than that S&P 500 garbage. These Birkenstock guys are like me they're winners. They know how to hustle how to make a name for themselves. They ain't afraid to get their hands dirty well maybe just a little dirt on those sandals.

You Wanna Go To War? We Take You To War!

So you think Trump's tariffs are gonna stop these guys? Think again! Birkenstock's gonna keep climbin' keep makin' money and keep tellin' the world who's boss. Just like Tony Montana they're not gonna back down. They're gonna fight for what's theirs. So next time you're slippin' on a pair of Birkenstocks remember: you're wearin' a piece of the American (and German) dream baby! You happy now?