Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Trump's Oil Policies Have the Industry Screaming

Drill Baby Oh Crap!

Alright Morty listen up! This whole 'drill baby drill' thing? Total Rick move! Trump's out there flapping his gums about energy dominance but guess what? Oil prices are lower than my tolerance for Summer's teenage drama. Down more than 20% since he took office Morty! That's like a whole dimension worth of economic malarkey.

Uncertainty? More Like Un CERTAIN ty!

These oil execs see? They're all whispering in the dark anonymously bashing Trump's policies. They're using the word 'uncertainty' more than Morty says 'Aw geez' during one of my adventures. That's saying something Morty! That's like an existential crisis on top of an economic one!

Baker Hughes Halliburton and SLB Walk Into a Bar...

And the bartender says 'Why the long faces?' Because their stocks are tanking Morty! Tanking faster than the Unity collective after I showed up. Baker Hughes SLB Halliburton – they're all whining about investment slowing down because of low oil prices. Boo hoo Morty! Welcome to the multiverse of consequences!

Tariffs: The Szechuan Sauce of Economic Disaster

So SLB's CEO this Le Peuch guy he's blaming Trump's tariffs. Says it's causing economic uncertainty. It's like when I tried to replace Morty with a robot Morty! Seemed like a good idea at the time but then everything went sideways. Now OPEC+ is flooding the market with oil and everyone's freaking out.

North America: The Butt of the Oil Joke

Apparently North America's getting hit harder than the rest of the world. Something about US oil production being super sensitive to prices. Whatever! Baker Hughes is predicting a drop in investment. Everyone's worried about oversupply tariffs and even…*burp*…Mexico. It's a real interdimensional clusterf*ck Morty!

Energy Secretary Promises Clarity (Spoiler: He's Full of It)

And then there's this Chris Wright guy the Energy Secretary. He's telling everyone to chill out saying 'clarity' is coming soon. Yeah right! That's like me promising to be a responsible grandfather. Never gonna happen Morty! His own company is tanking and he's still trying to spin this whole mess. Get Schwifty am I right?