Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Trade War Cargo Dump: The Ports Are Screaming!

Morty! They're Coming Through the Portal!

Alright Morty listen up! Looks like that knucklehead Trump or as I like to call him 'orange Hitler' has everyone in a tizzy. He set some bogus deadline for a trade deal with China and now all the ports are getting hammered with cargo ships trying to sneak in before the tariffs hit. Bunch of Jerry's panicking over economic stuff they don't understand. Pathetic! *burp*

Highest Since... 2025?! What Dimension Is This?

Captain Kip Louttit – sounds like a friggin' cartoon character Morty – says these ports haven't seen this many container ships since January 2025! 2025 Morty! What the hell dimension are we even in? Last Tuesday I swear I saw a three legged dog wearing a tiny fedora. Anyway seems like everyone's expecting a container tsunami. The highest number of container ships on the way to the nation's busiest ports since January 2025 (previous highs were in July and September 2024). It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine!

Relax Morty It's Just a 'Slight' Influx

They're trying to downplay it Morty. Calling it an 'uptick' instead of a 'surge.' Typical bureaucratic bull plumbus. The trade war has led many U.S. importers to place a pause on orders and vessels arriving into the Ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach before the new wave have not been full. The terminals at the Port of Long Beach are operating at about 60 percent of capacity. Everyone's trying to sound calm but trust me Morty when the space time continuum starts glitching it's never just a 'slight' issue.

Port Authority? More Like Port al to Boredom!

Mario Cordero CEO of the Port of Long Beach is all like 'We're ready! We're coordinated!' Yeah right Morty. They're probably just sitting around playing Roy: A Life Well Lived while the whole system crashes. He tells CNBC the port is well prepared to handle the expected uptick in vessel traffic over the next several weeks and beyond. Canceled sailings at Long Beach — many shippers cancelled planned freight vessel voyages earlier this year during the initial stages of Trump's trade war — are trending down from an expected 18 in June to only 4 for July and August combined Cordero said. Good thing I keep my portal gun handy. I can always just pop over to a dimension where trade wars are settled with interdimensional karaoke battles.

Plenty of Room... For Disaster!

Gene Seroka head honcho at the Port of Los Angeles is saying they've got 'plenty of room to manage the cargo.' Sure Gene. That's what they all say before the alien invasion starts. The terminals at the Port of Los Angeles are operating at 70% of capacity. Vessels now arriving are anticipated to be full. This increase in containers will be a boost for trucking railroads and warehouse companies who get paid by the freight load. Sounds like someone's about to get schwifty! *burp*

More People Back on the Docks? Get Your Schwifty On!

Seroka's even claiming this cargo dump is putting people back to work. Well that's just great! More ants marching for the colony. The cargo flow is still below normal for the month of June and "there are looming trade negotiation deadlines in July and August that will impact volume forecasts for the remainder of the year." Me? I'm gonna go find a dimension where Szechuan sauce is currency and trade wars are just a bad dream. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!