Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Mercedes Bends the Knee to Trump's Tariff Shenanigans!

Tariffs? What Tariffs? Just Good Ol' Fashioned 'Local for Local'

Alright Morty listen up. So Mercedes Benz right? They're saying they're gonna pump out some new 'core segment' vehicle in their Alabama plant by 2027. Now they're sweatin' bullets trying to convince everyone it's got NOTHING to do with those 25% auto tariffs Trump's been screamin' about. 'Local for local' they keep squawking. Yeah right. Like I haven't seen this interdimensional charade a million times before. It's the oldest trick in the book Morty! They're about to get Schwifty!

Tuscaloosa: The SUV Export Hub of… Earth C 137?

Apparently Morty Alabama is now the epicenter of SUV exportation. I'm talking 60% of those gas guzzlers are shipped off to other dimensions... I mean countries. Who knew? But hey at least someone's profiting from this whole interdimensional trade blunder. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go recalibrate my portal gun – I think I accidentally set it to 'Alabama' again.

Twenty Five Percent?! That's Like… A Lot Morty!

Morty these tariffs are no joke. 25% on imported vehicles? And ANOTHER 25% on auto parts? That's like… a whole dimension's worth of Schmeckles! No wonder Mercedes is jumpin' through hoops. They're probably regretting not investing in some sweet sweet interdimensional portal technology. They could've just bypassed these Earth bound tariff troubles.

Core Segment? More Like Corporate Cover Up!

They won't spill the beans on what this 'core segment' vehicle is Morty. Probably some electric micro car that's got all the soul of a broken toaster. But hey at least it's being built in America right? *Burp* And that's the waaaaaay the news goes!

Jason Hoff: Master of the Obvious

This Jason Hoff guy the CEO of Mercedes Benz North America is saying they're getting 'closer to the U.S. customer'. No s*** Sherlock! You build a car in the U.S. you tend to get closer to the U.S. customer. That's like saying water is wet! Seriously Morty these corporate types are denser than a neutron star filled with concentrated dark matter.

So What Does it All Mean Morty?

It means Morty that even mega corporations like Mercedes Benz are puppets in the grand cosmic game of tariffs and trade wars. But don't worry about it too much Morty. Just grab a Plumbus sit back and let the universe do its thing. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go invent a device that neutralizes tariffs. It's gonna be a real 'peace among worlds' kind of thing...or maybe I'll just sell it to the highest bidder. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!