Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Insiders Are Buying Stocks (And Maybe They Know Something We Don't, Or Maybe They're Just Drunk)

The Sh*tshow That Is The Stock Market (Or: 'Another Tuesday')

Alright Morty listen up. The stock market's doing its usual dance of despair right? Up down sideways – like a flea on a dog in heat. Bank of America bless their cotton socks says that amidst all this chaos some CEOs and whatnot are buying shares of their own companies. Why? Well Morty that's the million Schmeckle question isn't it? Is it genius or are they just really bad at drinking responsibly and making financial decisions? Either way the S&P 500 is down over 3% this year Morty! Three! Whole! Percents! That's like… almost a tenth of a plumbus!

Smartest Money Or Dumbest Luck? Place Your Bets!

So this Savita Subramanian lady at Bank of America – and don't get me started on economists Morty they're like the Jerry's of the financial world – she's saying insider buying is the 'smartest money.' Yeah right. Maybe they just have a time machine. Or maybe they're just so out of touch with reality they think buying high and selling low is a solid strategy. Who knows? What I do know Morty is that extreme insider activity has been a decent indicator since 2010 they buy when things are tanking and sell when things are booming.

Wynn ing Big (Or Just Breaking Even)

First up we got Wynn Resorts. Apparently these guys are seeing some serious insider action with 0.53% of the float being snatched up. And you know who's leading the charge? Billionaire Tilman Fertitta! He bought 400,000 shares Morty! I bet he doesn't even know how many zeros are in that number! And get this analysts are all hot for this stock predicting a 20% upside. Which is about as accurate as Jerry predicting the weather... but hey whatever keeps the plebs happy.

Occidental? More Like Occi dential Disaster (Maybe)

Next on our list of stocks that might be going up or down or sideways is Occidental Petroleum. Warren Buffett that old coot and his Berkshire Hathaway are buying up shares. Maybe he's planning on drilling for oil in his basement? Who the hell knows what that guy's up to? Their earnings were better than expected but the stock's still down 14% this year. Analysts are playing it safe calling it a 'hold.' Sounds about right Morty. Hold on tight because this could be a bumpy ride. Like that time we went to Buttworld remember?

Franklin Resources: Sounds Like a Funeral Home

And finally we've got Franklin Resources. Billionaire Charles Johnson who's probably got more money than sense bought 100,000 shares. Analysts are predicting the stock's gonna slide. But hey Morty who listens to analysts anyway? They're about as useful as a screen door on a spaceship. Still the stock's up more than 3% this year. Which is something I guess. Now where's my portal gun? I need a drink. And maybe some Szechuan sauce...

Get Schwifty (With Your Investments Maybe)

So there you have it Morty. Insiders buying stocks in a volatile market. Is it a sign of good things to come? Is it a sign of impending doom? Or is it just a bunch of rich people playing with Monopoly money? Who knows! The universe is chaotic Morty. Just try not to screw it up more than I already have Alright Morty? Get me a beer.