Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Elon's Playing 4D Chess with Your Taxes (and Winning)

Reality is a Glitch and Elon's Exploiting It

Alright Morty listen up! This whole news thing is just a bunch of hooey designed to keep you plebs distracted from the *real* issues. But fine I'll bite. Some Senate eggheads are squawking about how Elon 'Where's My Spaceship?' Musk is pulling strings in Washington like he's conducting a damn interdimensional orchestra. Apparently this 'Department of Government Efficiency' of his is slashing and burning through regulations faster than I go through a bottle of Squanchy's private reserve.

65 Problems But Dodging Regulations Ain't One

So get this Morty. Before Trump got his tiny hands on the big red button Musk and his merry band of companies—SpaceX Tesla Neuralink The Boring Company the whole shebang—were facing like 65 potential regulatory nightmares. We're talking a cool $2.37 billion in liabilities. That's enough to buy a whole lotta Szechuan sauce Morty! And apparently these liabilities vanished faster than your self esteem after a family dinner.

Tesla's Autopilot: More Like 'Autocollide,' Am I Right?

Tesla that electric jalopy factory is supposedly on the hook for $1.19 billion for misleading folks about their self driving features. Misleading? Morty those things are more likely to drive you into a ditch than to your grandma's house. Neuralink? Another $281 million for allegedly lying about the risks of sticking their gadgets into your brain. Sounds like a great idea right? Just what we need more ways for the government to spy on us.

Animal Welfare? More Like Animal Warfare!

And get this Morty they’re even allegedly poking animals potentially facing $1.59 million in penalties for violating the Animal Welfare Act! What is this a freaking Dr. Moreau remake? Honestly Morty sometimes I think this universe is just one giant cosmic joke. And we're all the punchline.

Self Enrichment: The Only Enrichment That Matters

According to these Senate types the 'through line' of Musk's decisions is 'self enrichment.' You don't say! Like anyone in a position of power *isn't* looking out for Numero Uno. It's the damn galactic standard Morty! "The truth is that the breathtaking scope and scale of benefits Mr. Musk is gaining from his present position may never be known and that is by design. The silence is strategic and it is dangerous," says the memo. Oh geez!

The White House Strikes Back (With More Bullshit)

Of course the White House is all like 'Nope nothing to see here! It's all fake news!' And some dude named Steven Cheung is calling the Senator a Trump Derangement Syndrome sufferer. Morty politics is just one big stupid game of 'who can lie the loudest.' But hey at least it's entertaining right? Unless you're the one paying the taxes. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!