Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Dreamliner Down in India: A Rick Sanchez Breakdown

Another freakin' plane down? What is this Final Destination?

Alright alright settle down you bunch of Jerry's! Rick here and lemme tell ya I've seen some stuff. But this Air India Flight 171 the Dreamliner that turned into a nightmare? Not great Bob! Apparently this Boeing 787 – a real top of the line bird mind you – went belly up faster than Morty after a couple of Blips and Chitz. Crashed right after takeoff from Ahmedabad. Boom! Fireball. No survivors allegedly. I mean what are the odds right? Unless… and this is a big 'unless'… someone screwed the pooch. And by someone I mean Boeing. Again. *burp*

625 Feet and Failed: The Altitude of Utter Disaster

So the fancy FlightRadar24 thingamajig says the plane barely got off the ground like 625 feet. That's like what half the height of a decent sized skyscraper in Dimension C 137? Then woosh down it goes at a speed of 475 feet per minute. Sounds like someone forgot to I don’t know gravity check or maybe they were trying to invent anti gravity and failed epically. Either way not ideal. And they have the audacity to say it will take months to investigate. I could find out in 5 minutes if I wasn't busy doing... Rick stuff.

Boeing's Bad Trip: More Screwed Up Than My Marriage

Oh Boeing Boeing Boeing. Always with the drama. Remember that whole 737 MAX debacle? You'd think they'd learn. But noooooo here they are back in the headlines with another potential disaster. Shares are down 4%? That's chump change compared to the emotional damage they're inflicting on all the shareholders and I guess the families of those 242 people. The article says that they have been working on turning the corner from years of safety and quality crises. Well they've been working on it for YEARS how many corners are they planning to turn? The only corner they are turning is into a grave. "Our thoughts are with the passengers crew first responders and all affected," Boeing said in a statement. Thoughts and prayers? Real original Boeing. Where's the portal gun when you need it? Maybe I could've saved them but no I'm stuck writing this dumb article.

Air India's Investment Strategy: Lipstick on a Pig?

Air India's CEO Campbell Wilson gives the usual PR speech about caring for everyone. I'm sure they do but words are wind Morty! The article mentions Air India investing heavily in modernizing its fleet. Guess they should have invested in making sure their planes don't you know plummet from the sky. Was it a bird? Was it a plane? No it was just poor maintenance and probably some corporate cost cutting! That's how the world works Morty. Nobody cares about the little guy.

The Blame Game: Who's Really Responsible?

So who's to blame? Could be a million things Morty. Pilot error? Mechanical failure? A rogue squirrel with a vendetta against air travel? Point is everyone's gonna point fingers. The investigators the manufacturers the airlines... it's a whole freakin' circus. Meanwhile 242 people are gone. Poof! Just like that. Makes you think huh? Or not. Whatever I don't care.

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub... That's All Folks!

Well that's the news folks. Or at least my supremely intelligent utterly cynical take on it. Remember the universe is a chaotic uncaring place. So buckle up do some drugs and try not to crash your own personal Dreamliner. And if you do crash well... at least you'll be entertaining. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! Now if you'll excuse me I've got a portal to open and a dimension to explore. Peace out!