Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Datadog Joins the S&P 500: A Rick Sanchez Analysis

Another One Bites the Dust: Juniper Gets Squanched

Alright Morty gather 'round. So apparently Hewlett Packard Enterprise—that's HPE Morty not HPV get your head outta your… well you know—they finally choked down Juniper Networks. Paid a measly $13.4 billion. Pocket change Morty! They had to settle with the Justice Department which sounds like a bunch of bureaucratic *belch* baloney. What this means is that Juniper is going bye bye from the S&P 500 kicked to the curb like a used portal gun battery. Sad! No wait I don't care.

Datadog? More Like Data… Dawg. (Get It?)

So who's waltzing in to fill Juniper's shoes? Datadog. Yeah never heard of 'em either. But hey apparently they're some kind of 'monitoring software provider'. Sounds boring right? But stocks often rally when they're added to a major index. Morty you know what rallies? Riots. Morty we should start a riot.

Tech Takeover: The S&P 500 is Officially a Nerds' Playground

Look Morty the S&P 500 is basically just a giant pile of tech companies at this point. They're adding DoorDash Workday Palantir Dell CrowdStrike GoDaddy Super Micro Computer... it's a friggin' Silicon Valley wet dream. The index is continuously lifting its exposure as the industry expands into more areas of society. It's a hostile takeover Morty! A tech opoly! Where's the schwifty music when you need it?

Datadog's Digits: Numbers Don't Lie (Unless You're Lying About Them)

Datadog went public in 2019. And in the first quarter of 2025 they generated $24.6 million in net income on $761.6 million in revenue according to a statement. Sounds impressive right? *belch* Whatever. I've seen bigger numbers on a Cromulon's lunch tab. But with a market cap of $46.6 billion Datadog's valuation is significantly higher than the median for that index. All I know is I can turn a pickle into a genius but I cant turn this data into something more intresting.

Who's Barking Up Datadog's Tree?

The article says that Datadog competes with the likes of Cisco Elastic Amazon and Microsoft. Basically everyone who's anyone in the tech world. You know what that means Morty? It means they're all trying to screw each other over. Just like Thanksgiving with the Sanchez family! I turn myself into a turkey Morty! I'M TURKEY RIIIIIIICK!

Final Verdict: Should You Care? Nah.

So should you invest in Datadog Morty? Eh who gives a *belch* rat's ass? The stock market is a rigged game anyway. It was down 5.5% as of Wednesday's close while the Nasdaq was up 5.6%. Seriously just go watch TV or something. Existence is pain Morty! Might as well distract yourself with interdimensional cable.