Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Copenhagen Crowned Happiest City, But Should We Really Give a Schmeckle?

Happy Cities? More Like Happy Bullshit!

Alright listen up 'cause Rick's about to drop some interdimensional truth bombs on ya. This 'Happy City Index' thing? Some egghead institute farted it out claiming to know which cities are the freaking happiest. They looked at things like 'governance,' 'mobility,' and get this 'health.' As if those things actually matter when you can hop dimensions and find a planet made of pure unadulterated dark matter ice cream. Which by the way is way more satisfying than affordable housing trust me.

Copenhagen? Never Heard of Her (Before My Research Burp)

So apparently Copenhagen Denmark is the happiest city on this stupid list. Number one! Because and I quote 'its ability to be open for innovation' and 'affordable education.' Oh geez Morty sounds like a real snooze fest. They also mentioned something about high taxes but 'free' healthcare. Newsflash Morty nothing is free. The government always finds a way to stick it to ya whether it's through taxes or mind control via fluoride in the water. Speaking of which gotta top up my anti mind control serum. Hold my portal gun!

America Still Kicking (Barely) But Not Top Tier Material

The US didn't even crack the top ten. Typical. New York and Minneapolis got some kind of 'gold city' participation trophy. Look Morty I love a good bagel as much as the next guy but let's be real America's got bigger problems than a happiness index. Like you know the Citadel of Ricks plotting world domination or that time Summer almost destroyed the timeline with her stupid phone. Priorities people!

Zurich: Where Banks are Happy and You're Probably Broke

Zurich Switzerland came in second. Figures. Land of banks chocolate and exorbitant prices. They say it's got a 'strong economy' and 'high quality of life.' Translation: if you're not already rich you're screwed. I bet their version of a 'happy hour' is a $50 martini that's somehow taxed at 70%. No thanks I'll stick to my microverse battery juice. At least that's authentically horrible.

Health? More Like Wealth. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! I am in Great Pain!

Apparently the index folks added 'health' to the criteria this year. Because you know COVID. As if a virus is the only thing that can ruin your day. Morty I've seen planets where diseases are sentient beings that negotiate their terms of surrender! So yeah maybe a little cough isn't the end of the world. Although given my lifestyle it probably is for me. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! I am in great pain! Please get me Jessica!

Final Thoughts: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (Like Entire Cities)

Alright Morty the moral of this story is don't let some stupid index dictate your happiness. Happiness is a construct a fleeting illusion in an infinite universe. Find something you enjoy whether it's interdimensional cable dismantling the government or just a good ol' fashioned Szechuan sauce binge. And if all else fails just remember nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die. Now come on Morty we got dimensions to explore and existential crises to avoid!