Tesla Speeding Up Odometers?! Get Schwifty With This Conspiracy!

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub Tesla's in Trouble!

Alright Morty listen up. This is Rick Sanchez C 137 dropping some truth bombs on ya. So this jabroni named Nyree Hinton is suing Tesla because he thinks their odometers are lying sacks of... well you get the idea. Apparently his 2020 Model Y was clocking mileage like it was trying to win a goddamn race. 15% faster Morty! That's faster than I can ditch a Galactic Federation agent after a bender.

Inflated Readings and Empty Pockets: A Tale of Woe

This Hinton guy claims his warranty expired quicker than a fart in the wind leaving him with a $10,000 repair bill. Ten thousand Morty! That's like enough for a decent interdimensional cable subscription and a lifetime supply of Szechuan sauce. Tesla allegedly is doing this to rake in more dough from repairs and extended warranties. Classic corporate greed Morty. It's like capitalism decided to have a baby with a black hole of disappointment.

Tesla's Defense: Silent But Deadly?

Tesla of course is playing it cool. No official response but sources say they're denying everything. Typical. They think they're too good for PR huh? Well let me tell ya nothing's too good for good old fashioned accountability. Especially when you're messing with people's rides Morty. You mess with their rides you mess with their lives!

California Dreamin' of Class Action Lawsuits

Hinton's aiming for a class action lawsuit meaning a whole galaxy of Tesla owners in California could join the fray. We're talking over a million vehicles Morty! A million! That's enough to power a small universe... or at least get me enough money to buy a portal gun that doesn't short circuit every other dimension I visit.

Arbitration: Where Justice Goes to Die (Quietly)

Now Tesla's already been in hot water for lying about driving ranges. And in that case some judge forced everyone into individual arbitration. Translation: they get screwed individually instead of collectively. It's like trying to kill a bunch of ants with a magnifying glass... except the ants are really really angry customers. Sad!.

Get Schwifty or Get Screwed!

So what's the moral of the story Morty? Don't trust corporations. Always double check your odometer. And for the love of God don't let Elon Musk steal your precious miles. Unless... you're into that sort of thing? Eh who am I to judge? Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go calibrate my portal gun before I accidentally end up in a universe where everyone's made of sentient mayonnaise.