Senate to California: Get Schwifty With Your Own Gas, Jerks!

Senate Says No to California's Green Dream Aw Jeez

Alright alright settle down you little squanchers. Rick here reporting live from the bureaucratic black hole that is Washington D.C. Seems like the Senate in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof burrrrp) just voted to tell California to shove its fancy pants electric car dreams right up its... well you get the picture. They're blocking California's plan to ban gasoline only vehicles by 2035. Classic government move. Makes you wanna say 'And that's the wayyy the news goes!' But hey at least I can still get my hands on some sweet sweet gasoline to power my portal gun. Priorities people!

Waiver? I Barely Knew Her!

So apparently there was this waiver granted by the EPA back when Biden was you know actually doing stuff. Allowed California to mandate EVs like some kinda futuristic utopia. But now? Poof! Gone. Vanished. Like my sobriety after a particularly rough dimension hopping trip. Trump's gonna get this thing on his desk and you just KNOW he's gonna sign it faster than you can say 'tiny Rick'. This is gonna be a real head scratcher aw jeez.

Big Auto Wins Earth Loses (Again)

Surprise surprise the big auto corporations like General Motors and Toyota are popping bottles of Fleeb Juice. They lobbied HARD against these rules. Because ya know selling cars that pollute is way more important than like not turning the planet into a giant ball of space fire. Environmental groups are predictably less than thrilled. But hey who listens to those tree hugging... uh... Snuffles? No not Snuffles that was before he asked for a testical. Mr. Snowball! Yeah that's his name! At any rate it isn't something anyone needs to worry about anyway.

Tesla's Just Sitting There Cashing Checks

The Alliance for Automotive Innovation is whining about how these EV mandates are 'unachievable' and that they'd have to buy credits from Tesla. Translation: Tesla's gonna keep raking in the dough while everyone else throws a hissy fit. Tesla hasn't even commented. Probably too busy counting their interdimensional space bucks. They're too cool to give a shit.

More EV Hate? You Son of a B****

Hold on to your butts folks. It gets worse. Apparently the House is trying to kill the $7,500 tax credit for EVs and slap a $250 annual fee on them. Plus they wanna repeal emissions rules. It's like they're ACTIVELY trying to make electric cars less appealing. What is this some kind of Jerry engineered reality?

California's Gonna Have a Bad Time

So if all this crap actually goes through California's gonna have a real hard time hitting its zero emission vehicle goals. Automakers are already saying it's 'impossible' to meet the targets given current EV sales. But hey maybe they should try inventing some new technology or something. Like I don't know a portal gun that runs on sunshine and good vibes? Just spitballin' here! Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!